I’ve lose count of the X-Men movies. Which one is this? Might have to solve for it … find x.
So two years ago, we got to see the Li’l Wolverine. No, that isn’t a euphemism. Awwwwww. Isn’t he cute with his wee extra bones and unresolved aggression? This year, we get to feast upon the rivalry nascence between major X Games players and Xavier (James McAvoy, not Patrick Stewart) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender, not Ian McKellan). Oh, and throw in the Cuban Missile Crisis for good measure.
All the X-Men movies follow a pattern. We establish two or three of these special-powered mutants as human, follow their back stories a little, pretend we care, and then the producers get wrapped up in the special mutant powers and forget about the human stuff. X-Men: First Class is a little better at remembering, “oh yeah. We had a story here.” This is aided considerably by the necessity to answer the question of why older Xavier is so much more distinguished than young Xavier. Did I say “distinguished?” I meant to say “in a wheelchair.”
In this version, we concentrate especially on the rise of Holocaust survivor Erik (the would be Magneto), Raven (pre-Mystique) and Xavier (he doesn’t get a codename, what’s up with that?). Li’l Mystique shows up one day at the Xavier’s New York mansion. Why does Xavier have a non-American accent? Your guess is as good as mine. Oh, and while I’m on the subject, Fassbender, seriously, pick an accent and go; we’ll forgive you and your penis. Mystique, a shape-shifter, tries to fake being Old Lady Xavier, but Xavier knows it ain’t so, because his mom doesn’t know where the kitchen is. Classic. Eventually, Xavier grows up, develops his power and finds a way to cultivate other mutants. You’d think Erik would be a little wary of being rounded up again, seeing as how said activity claimed both parents, but hey, it’s a movie.
And not a bad one. The best part is since First Class has to get us back to the start of other X-Men movies, it hasn’t the luxury of losing track of the players in favor of action. So the two work hand-in-hand rather than at ends.
I am, however, still disturbed by a few X-isms:
Why the helmet of shame? This thing is silly beyond reason:
Whatever is going on here is wrong. I’m not sure how. It just is:
And what’s with the naked blue chick? It’s like Smurf-porn:
You give ‘em some powers, pretend you’ve written a purely cute little comic book story and claim it’s all above-board? If you say so.
Rated PG-13, 132 Minutes
D: Matthew Vaughn
W: Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, Jane Goldman, Matthew Vaughn, Sheldon Turner and Bryan Singer
Genre: Origin prequel
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Grown-up fans of Muppet Babies
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Cold War purists
