Watching Veronica Mars is like being at a party where you don’t know anybody and you have to get a ride home. There are a frightening number of in-jokes present; I knew they were in-jokes because people around me would laugh in unison at odd intervals at things that weren’t funny. Now, it could be that I have no sense of humor – but that clearly isn’t case because I showed up in the first place, so if you Occam’s Razor this bitch you’ll come to the conclusion that I saw the movie with fans of the TV show cashing in on treasured memories.
I never saw the TV show. Not one single episode, so I’m writing from that perspective. I realize that those interested in this review will almost certainly be interested from another perspective. Eh, whatchagonnado?
Our solar system aligned pal Veronica (Kristen Bell) is like a beeg deal – among the best in her law school class, incoming job at the firm of Powerful, Important and Distinguished, Esq. You know you rock when Jamie Lee Curtis gives the interview. Once upon a time, by Jupiter, she solved crimes in Neptune, CA, a small fictional planet in the LA-LA Land Nebula. I can only imagine the TV show went off the air once Pluto was downgraded to dwarf puppy. Veronica has worked hard to forget her past … so, naturally, she needs a Mercurial return to defend an ex (Jason Dohring) on murder charges. And just when she got out, they pull her back again…
The murder made national news because the estranged wife of Logan (Dohring) was a pop sensation. Of course she was. And, despite that, Logan is confinement–challenged and Neptune is curiously paparazzi-free. Logan even engages in a consequence-less fistfight while currently being the prime suspect of a high-profile murder investigation. Was the show like this? High profile is all relative, of course. Kristen Bell is the only name in the cast with a real career right now. When she gets together with those she’s abandoned both in fictional and real terms, it’s a wonder they all play nice together – I mean here’s Kristen Bell, a legitimate movie star – she has the biggest part in Frozen and only John Travolta would make you think otherwise – and then … others. Cast. Hmmm, vaguely familiar faces: why there’s Schmidt from New Girl and some extras 
from Gray’s Anatomy. The choice to center this film about a 10-year school reunion was a good one as ten years is not long enough to lose jealousy. It wouldn’t be terribly difficult for me to find spite in playing opposite Veronica.
My biggest gripe with Mars is the being invited late to ten years worth of relationships. The characters clearly all know one another which means there’s relationship information I ought to know, but don’t. That’s not easy when the direction scatters haphazardly among lesser talents; I had a very hard time keeping people straight. This is, of course, the exact opposite problem than I had with Single Moms Club, where the assumed relationships were so poor, I believed in several cases a mother was meeting her 12-year-old child for the first time.
Veronica Mars is a movie which dares ask how much life can suck when you’re Kristen Bell. There are at least four or five scenes set-up by her anxiety in anticipation of a moment – a moment in which she will still enter the room as the talented, clever and sexy Veronica Mars. Geez, if it’s rough for you, what chance do we have? … which isn’t to say it isn’t rough for her, of course. ANYBODY can have a life of friction. Some, well, have more options than others.
No, I’m not gonna make a Uranus joke. No if, ands, or butts about it.
It’s cool when you’re young
It’s cool when you’re blonde
It’s cool when you’re smart
It’s cool when you’re hot
It’s cool when you’re in demand
Then there are the rest of us.
Rated PG-13, 107 Minutes
D: Rob Thomas (no word on whether or not this one wants to push you around)
W: Rob Thomas & Diane Ruggiero
Genre: In-joke
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Fans of the show
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Who’s Veronica Mars?
