Ever been saved by a horse? Probably not. That’s our introduction to 1915 Peter Lake (Colin Farrell) – chased by thugs, he’s backed into a corner where he meets a horse. A white horse. A flying white horse. You’re gonna have to take a few things on faith. The science of Winter’s Tale is not strong. Stars, for instance, are what certain beings become when they die. And New York is frozen, constantly, and Peter Lake finds us in 2014 only to show us his memories of 1915, when he’s the exact same age.
Peter Lake may not have aged in a century, but he was a baby once. We get a brief glimpse of twenty years previous to 1915 when his parents got off the boat at Ellis Island, and were put right back on it for lack of being tired, weary, or huddled mass enough. Desperate to get somebody on these darn shores of ours, dad breaks a below-decks display model of their boat, steals the 3-foot-long seaworthy replica and the parents leave it with baby Peter floating alone in the harbor. We didn’t linger and that’s a shame because I don’t think an infant set upon a toy boat in a harbor a mile or two from shore stands much of a chance, do you? And just how bad is the country you’re returning to?
Peter grows up to become a thief and his den mother, Pearly Soames (Russell Crowe), turns out to be a vengeful demon. A demon 
who turns on Peter, probably for his awful haircut, hence the need for the flying horse. And the horse takes Peter to Beverly Penn (Jessica Brown Findlay). At this point, I wondered if Pearly wasn’t after the wrong guy because the horse knew what was going on much better than Peter did. Seriously, the horse refuses to leave until Peter burgles the Penn household. As like, roughly, 98% of the population of the time, Beverly is dying of Consumption. And when they meet accidentally, Peter curtails his plans for theft in exchange for a tea party with a dying girl.
I am cynical about many, many, many things. And it would be easy to be cynical about this moment, too. But I loved the relationship between Peter and Beverly. Peter ain’t exactly the stealthiest of thieves and when Beverly asks him about the best thing he’s ever stolen, he replies, “I have a feeling I haven’t stolen it yet.” Tell me you wouldn’t fall for a line like that. Go on, tell me.
It’s best not to view Winter’s Tale through anything but the rose-colored filter of surreality. A critical eye will not help you enjoy this film one little bit. You’ll end up asking yourself things like, “why does Lucifer (Will Smith) live in a sewer?” And “why couldn’t this Will Smith show up in After Earth?” Sometimes it’s best to take it on faith.
A thief who’s got some gumption
Selects a dish for Consumption
Will she die?
Don’t ask why
Conclusion triumphs presumption
Rated PG-13, 118 Minutes
D: Akiva Goldsman
W: Akiva Goldsman
Genre: Faith romance
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Romeo & Juliet fans
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Cynics
