It is never explained how Nick Hathaway (Chris Hemsworth) can both write codes that blow up nuclear power plants and still have a body that suggests he’s in the gym three hours a day. Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but … “try our new Body by Hawking experience!” It is also not explained what makes his coding so special. Nor how his coding is relevant even though he‘s been in jail for a while. Encrypting malware ain’t exactly like riding a bike.
So the premise asks to take a lot on faith, but it isn’t so bad – anonymous anarchist releases a virus that blows up a Chinese nuclear power plant. Next day, a form of the virus takes down Wall Street. As Hathaway is the original architect, old roomie and Chinese military coder Chen Dawai (Leehom Wang) gives the U.S. an ultimatum –release Hathaway from prison or expect more mayhem. The disturbing part of this is a very cold reunion between the pair. There seems no good reason for the two former friends to be reserved and stoic, but perhaps it awkwardly sets up the moment at which Dawai discovers his sister (Wei Tang) is sleeping with Thor.
I’d honestly forgotten how much Michael Mann leans on his lead to carry a film. Heaven forfend the hero isn’t up to the task. Mann has lived his entire career on the idea that a moody atmosphere compensates for a lack of memorable dialogue. Seriously, quote me any Michael Mann film, even the ones we enjoyed — Heat, The Insider, Ali, Public Enemies … go ahead, I’ll wait. Quote one. Any one. I can quote that line everybody parodies from Last of the Mohicans, “I will find you,” but I honestly cannot report a single line of dialogue from any of the others. That’s not a mistake.
Blackhat has a Grade A dumb shootout. On one side, you have six guys with automatic machine guns. On the other, you have unarmed people behind a pole. The pole people don’t move and obviously don’t fire back, but for some unknown reason, the machine gunners never advance. It gets better. 
Armed reinforcements arrive for the unarmed pole people. The reinforcements drive from a position behind the machine gunners and stop when they are directly in the line of fire. Subsequently, they both die from machine gun bullets. Sure, it’s cowardly to attack from the back. And sure, the armed people will eventually figure out they’re being attacked from that direction, but, geez, people, do you have a death wish? And why go to all the trouble of staging such an attack that the audience will shred so easily?
Many bodies later, the film culminates in Indonesia where every white face is so dismissive of the locals, it defies good taste. Look, can all you jackoffs go have your little knife fight elsewhere so you don’t bully a local parade? Why is that necessary? God of Thunder has to rain on a parade — how original.
Hacking Thor
Hacking Thor
What is it you’re working for?
Hacking Thor
Hacking Thor
Acting can be such a chore
Hacking Thor
Hacking Thor
You will see this role no more
Rated R, 133 Minutes
D: Michael Mann
W: Morgan Davis Foehl
Genre: The fascinating world of unexplained coding
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Body builders
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Indonesians
