Ok, let me ask, in all seriousness, what does a demon actually want with a soul? You can’t fool your way into Heaven and you don’t want to be there anyway. What’s wrong with this picture? With the sole (hah!) exception of the Joss Whedon world, it doesn’t seem to promote behavioral change – and even in that case, you have some ways to go to convince me a soul-collecting demon is the better for it.
Here’s Annabelle, an evil reprieval from the preamble to The Conjuring. Basically, she’s an American Girl doll gone horribly wrong — American Girl dolls are supposed to raid your wallet, not your soul. Anyway, it’s impressive when you think about a doll getting her own film after barely a cameo in the James Wan horror. I mean, not bad, huh? A 10-minute wooden character so distinctive she gets her own film? Of course, as wooden characters go, Keanu Reeves has built an entire career, so I suppose it’s not exactly a revelation. Now for this film, I expected something from the Chucky oeuvre … like Bride of Chucky or Daughter of Chucky or Second Cousin Once Removed of StepChucky.
That didn’t quite happen. And the movie is better for it.
In short, it’s the ugly period of first-term Nixon and dad-to-be John (Ward Horton – who looks a lot like “Tosh.0,” whaaaaa?) completes his wife’s collection of tacky dolls with the queen, a three foot tall clown-faced jobbie dubbed “Annabelle.” Annabelle is a hideous doll. Just butt ugly. I mean, mom-to-be (Annabelle Wallis. Wait, the real name of the actress is the same as the doll? You’re shittin’ me, right?) anyway, mom-to-be Mia here already has a doll fetish., which is … weird. But, hey, is it any weirder, really, than a baseball card collection? Yes. Yes it is. Because even when I was a kid, I didn’t display a poster of Ty Cobb above my bed. He’s butt ugly and every bit as evil.
While Mia and John sleep, the neighbors have a knife party when their satanic daughter shows up for homicide and probably laundry. Our couple awakens and John investigates. I guess this was an era when you investigated crazy crap at the neighbor’s house. Past a certain point in American history, we stopped doing that for very good reasons. The daughter gets killed in the fracas, but her evil blood leaks into the doll, thus giving it demonic life? I’m not sure about this part. And it doesn’t really look like the doll does anything at all; clearly, there’s a demon who showed up, lingered, and manipulates the hideous d
oll like pedophilic park denizen.
Annabelle isn’t a great horror. It’s a little on the tame side, especially when you consider the opening of The Conjuring, where the doll freaked us out. There is one exceptionally good scare in the basement of the tenement building where they move. The power goes out as Mia is in her storage space and shadows find the back of the caged corridor. Mia runs to the elevator and pushes the button. The door closes, finally, which should bring relief, but you know that thing where the elevator doesn’t do what you’ve asked it to do and you can’t actually tell if the machine is broken or if there’s some demonic force at work? Yeah, that. A lot. It followed with very dark scenes in which one can just make out some sort of malevolent biped in the shadows. Very creepy. Nice.
The rest of the film kept my attention, but mostly for the aggravation that mom keeps leaving the damn baby alone. Look, it’s after a soul! There’s one in the next room. Don’t leave her. Why are you going to the basement? What’s wrong with you? “Hmmmm, I think there might be a supernatural evil after my baby; why don’t I just set her in the crib next to the evil doll and walk away to sort this out ….” Be fair, Jim, you’re not a mom. Maybe this is normal.
New parents stumble upon dread
Does mom’s doll want the trio dead?
Evil in-house
New idea, spouse:
How about collecting stamps instead?
Rated R, 98 Minutes
D: John R. Leonetti
W: Gary Dauberman
Genre: Honey, did we invite a demon over?
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Any human who has ever tried to lose a grotesque doll of some sort and failed
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The Travelocity Gnome
