Sadly, I’ve been duped. When All Hallows Eve came and went for the second straight year without another installment from the Paranormal Activity franchise, I foolishly assumed the pain was over; no longer would I be subjected to twenty minutes of “Night #3 – the lamp falls over … not of its own accord!” I thought I’d escaped idiots making bad decisions, campy cinematography and very deliberate poltergeists. I was wrong. Oh, so very, very wrong.
So two years instead of one went into the sixth installment of the Paranormal saga. Sixth. They’ve made six of these things. Six installments of “I think the door is moving” and six sets of people who keep filming even when they’re terrified. Why? “What’s new?” I hear you asking. Well, they got a new house. A beautiful house – this one has a two story party central living room surrounded on the upper level by a 360º balcony. Ooooo. Good Lord, I’m actually more excited to tell you about the house than the film. How sad is that?
Inside this adult doll house, we’ve moved in a family of morons: dad Ryan (Chris J. Murray), mom Emily (Brit Shaw), loser uncle Mike (Dan Gill), blonde temptress Skyler (Olivia Taylor Dudley) and eight-year-old vessel Leila (Ivy George). I suppose it’s not fair to call them all morons just because none of the five does a single intelligent thing in the film; it could be cut poorly. Maybe off-camera they’re all Mensa candidate brain-surgeons, despite the clear fact that none of these people has a job. Nice house? Yes. Income? Got me.
The plot starts when Ryan and Mike find a video camera and some home movie tapes in a box nobody claims. Yes, this is straight out of Sinister. In hoping to find porn, the fellas find cult training rituals and clips from past Paranormal Activity films. You really want go there, huh? You want to show us a highlight reel from the ghost of Paranormal past … to remind us of what? How good the first five Paranormals were? Naturally, one of these interchangeable jackoffs starts operating the camera and, in turn, gives us a reason to put on our 3D glasses. What appears to be a swarm of flies shows up on film but remains unseen the naked eye … is it … Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension? Nah, probably just a flaw in the camera.
Screw it, you know the rest – night falls and mischief happens, always involving Leila. Losing a crucifix here, felling an angel there, while the adults stray between
positions of “that’s strange” and “I’ll have another beer.” There was one (1) clever idea in this film: when watching the video of the previous occupants, it was clear the girls on the video were watching them right back. That’s a good creepy feeling, or might have been if 1) handled by different director or 2) used for something. The girl on the tape seems to be watching back in real time, but then what sense does the replay of that video make? She’s not watching any more, is she? How about if the video changes the next time you watch it? Wouldn’t that be at least a little more of the mystery this film sadly lacked?
If you have to see Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, see it in 3D; existentially, there is no other reason for its having a separate place to itself in the universe. Can’t say I was ever scared during this one; I think they tried once, but as the fly swarm wasn’t corporeal, it was hard to take the horror seriously. With the loss of Twilight and Transformers, the Paranormal franchise is now my least favorite around; please stop haunting me with these films. Please.
Night #1 We’re new-house proud
Night #2 You’re snoring too loud
Night #3 A picture falls down
Night #4 Fear creates a frown
Night #5 A door opens wide
Night #6 What can be inside?
Night #7 The ghost gets bolder
Night #8 Mayhem! Chaos! And a stupid ending.
Rated R, 88 Minutes
D: Gregory Plotkin
W: Jason Pagan, Andrew Deutschman, Adam Robitel & Gavin Heffernan (Four people! It took four people to write this screenplay. That’s four. One. Two. Three. Four. Adults, presumably. Tell me you didn’t pay these people.)
Genre: Recycled terror
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Evil witches maybe? VCR conspiracy enthusiasts?
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Your date
