I don’t want to disparage bull riding hobbyists, but for those of you into men, do you really want a partner who prides himself on the ability to last eight seconds? Just askin’. Ok, more serious question: What is the difference, really, between a competitive bull rider and a competitive X-Gamer? What makes one a hero and the other a slacker? Why makes hanging atop half-a-ton of beast more romantic than hanging atop a wheeled plank? When it comes right down to it, you’re both risking lives unnecessarily for a brief applause and an ever briefer thrill; both competitors are almost guaranteed to have a career that ends due to injury, not old age.
And yet, I cannot imagine an entire sorority going gaga because Tony Hawk, Jr. brought flowers, dig? Truth be told, that moment where “world class bull rider” Luke Collins (Scott Eastwood) courts Wake Forest coed Sophia Danko (Britt Roberts) and gets an entire campus to swoon seemed more than a tad contrived – and what a message to sell, women, educated women, that the futureless high school dropout cowpoke who will likely be permanently crippled for selfish reasons before age 30 is a “far better catch” than any of your peers, your educated peers. Why, yes, that’s exactly the best message to send a collective populace. Wake Forest is just a finishing school anyway, right?
Meanwhile, in another movie, young Jewish WWII love is happening between Ira (Jack Huston) and Ruth (Oona Chaplin; twas a shame the granddaughter of Charlie Chaplin didn’t mime this role – would have made the romance so much more interesting). What is the connective thread between these two parings? As long as you’re hot for each other, life will work the rest out; screw dreams, bucket lists, or career goals. Just keep hopping in the sack every time you feel unfulfilled. Lord knows, none of these four has anything else to offer.
See, Luke and Sophia met at a rodeo, where all hippest of sorority gals are spending their time these days. Luke brought Sophia on a respectable take out BBQ date and on the way back, they saved old Ira (Alan Alda) from a burning wreckage; this is where Sophia helped herself to his letters, thus inserting herself into his life. It’s not that any of this is so terrible, but there are better ways to the conclusion, especially as the letters themselves are pure exposition. When you write a love letter, do you describe general events to the person you shared them with? “Dear _______, we went to an Amy Winehouse concert together last night. She showed up 20 minutes late and drunk and then fell off stage. Then we went out to dinner and you ordered the veal picatta. How amazing!”
Tell me this dialogue isn’t in the Nicholas Sparks book you got it from; I was under the impression that this man, if nothing else, was good at romance. Unless you married an abacus, these are the crappiest love letters I’ve ever heard. And then there’s the point 
where the mismatched couple from the present strangely mirrors the mismatched couple from the past – mirrors in the way that these folks don’t really share enough in common to move their relationship forward. You want a lifetime of fighting, by all means, get married; show us how it’s done.
Many of the usual Sparks trappings aren’t here. Oh yeah, we have the love of Southern culture, very pretty people, a wizened fogie, and PG-13 shower sex; but there was a distinct lack of a sunset over the beach, a love triangle, and an unnecessarily violent life-altering confrontation. (Perhaps the War was meant to compensate for that). I’ve now seen a ton of Nicholas Sparks inspired films and they make me wonder if Southern folks actually have a sense of humor; I’m told that’s important in a relationship – just not terribly important in a film about relationships it would seem.
There goes Luke. He likes to ride bull
When eight seconds have ended, you’ll find he’s quite dull.
Sophia takes fancy. She’s an art fan.
Giving up for a dead end seems like a good plan
Emerging in the past, Ruth enjoys painting, too
She feigns the film’s culture … for I don’t have a clue
She’s courted by Ira, I thought Luke was boring
Three seconds with this guy will leave anybody snoring
Rated PG-13, 128 Minutes
D: George Tillman, Jr.
W: Craig Bolotin
Genre: Romancing the X-Gamer
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Nicholas Sparks suckers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: People who understand romance as more than just attraction
