Ghostbusters

Sure, why not remake Ghostbusters with all female leads? This sounds like a wonderful idea … provided you’re completely out of ideas. Other than that, sure, great idea. What could it hurt?

The answer is “nothing,” of course. The reality of Ghostbusters played by women can’t hurt, doesn’t hurt, and occasionally provides a female insight into the franchise, long since ruined by Ghostbusters 2 – so don’t bother get all canon purist on me. That said – this ain’t a great film.

Physics professor Erin Gilbert (Kristen Wiig) is denied tenure when her department head realizes she has a psychic friend past. This is one of the problems with Ghostbusters – the original never really questioned that ghosts existed; it occupied itself entirely with the problem of containing them. This film wastes a lot of time with our heroines arguing the existential rather than problem solving. The latter lends itself far more easily to both comedy and plot structure. Another big problem is the reality as given – when Erin confronts the reason for her tenure denial, a chain reaction dumps she and distant colleagues Abby (Melissa McCarthy) and Jillian (Kate McKinnon) all on the street. At that point, like in the first film, the practical leaps to the forefront — i.e. how do you earn a living? Ghostbusters talks about money problems a lot but never actually addresses this issue. There isn’t money in catching ghosts unless you charge for it. Dig?

There also wasn’t any reason to add Patty (Leslie Jones) onto the team of unemployed ghost fighters. Great, now we have four jobless single women instead of three.  Problem solved.  So … aside from the massive structural and plot problems, how was the film? Uneven. I certainly enjoyed snippets from each of the four leads. Patty’s scolding of a failed stage dive came right on top of her best moment where she deliberately ignores a cache of mannequins straight out of Silent Hill as a “room full of nightmares.” Kate McKinnon seems to be acting in a different film. Didn’t say I didn’t like her; I just think her constant “Devil-may-care” smarm didn’t fit in the mock-horror setting.

Despite professional comediennes in the four leads, I daresay the best material, however, was delivered by a non-comic man, Chris Hemsworth, playing their inept secretary. Maybe it’s just cuz I’m a man. Dunno. In general, there’s enough here for a desperate audience to keep amused, especially one Hell-bent on identifying original Ghostbusters. Hey, punks, where was Rick Moranis?

Seriously, where is Rick Moranis? I haven’t seen him since he ate the kids or whatever.

While this new Ghostbusters didn’t over-entertain me, I was indeed inspired by the thought behind it. I leave you now a small set of gender-bending potential reboots:

• Cattyshack – It’s the Tramps against the Stamps! … or at least it starts that way with the lady club members battling in the big tournament for control of Woodbush Country (& Day Spa) Club. As the competition heats up, the women and their junior counterparts realize this sort of competition isn’t healthy and golf is kind of silly. The match then evolves into a panel discussion on parenting and class discrimination. (Starring Geena Davis & Michelle Wie)
• Groomsmen – Six young men all vie to make sure Chad (Michael B. Jordan) has the best wedding ever! Sure, it starts out in civil fashion, but after the boys lose their deposit on the ruined tuxes, Adam Driver, Adam Levine and Adam Devine all attack each other with baseball bats for the rest of a weirdly grizzly comedy.
• 35 Shades of Gray – Linda Gray (Linda Gray) cougars her way between the black and white lines of Gray Industries, acquiring a hunky neophyte (Liam Hemsworth) as both secretary and bondage partner. How is it that BDSM male submissives are only entitled to 70% of the spankings, lashings and torture as their female counterparts?
• Saving Private Benjamin – A female recasting of the Steven Spielberg epic allied WWII invasion of France. As the women storm the beaches of Normandy, they find the Nazis no problem whatsoever, but instead their path up the hillside is blocked by the dreaded glass ceiling. Their male compatriots question whether it actually exists. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. (Starring the cast of Spring Breakers and Rosie O’Donnell as “Sarge”)

See you on the other side, Frogsters.

Four ladies out to concoct – or
Discover an audience to proctor
Replaying this ghost
A query they’ll host
Who ya gonna call? “Script doctor”

Rated PG-13, 116 Minutes
D: Paul Feig
W: Katie Dippold & Paul Feig
Genre: … I’ve seen this somewhere before … but where?!
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Gloria Steinem
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Misogynists