Unfortunately, the mic was too low to pick the dollmaker’s patter upon creating Annabelle, but I believe I picked up the following: “Hmmmm, yes, bulging, unblinking eyes … the face of my great aunt Hortence … the countenance of a creepy middle-aged women trying to pass herself off as under 10 … now, what else would a little girl want? I know! (snaps fingers) A small dose of pure concentrated evil! … just apply a dab there … oops! Spilled the whole bottle. Oh, well … Honey! Would you please add ‘evil’ to the shopping list?”
This is one of those films where you won’t believe the plot, so they hid the key points in the middle when you’d be too far in to object. A doll maker creates a new line in the image of his disturbingly Cindy Brady-ish Hellspawn. Truthfully, this human Cindy Brady is only evil in her desire to play hide-‘n’-seek 24/7. She’s really bad at it, though, leaving helpful handwritten hints all over the place. She dies in a tragic lug nut accident. No, that part isn’t actually a joke. Naturally, the parents try to raise her from the dead and accidently summon a demon through their hideous Annabelle doll. [The production line thankfully curtailed after the daughter’s death] When the couple identifies the household evil, their solution is obvious: lock the doll in a closet, wait until things calm down, and then invite a school of orphaned girls to live with them. What could possibly go wrong?
Evil has been dormant for at least a good week-and-a-half when the bus full of orphaned girls comes to live with Ma & Pa Meddle (Miranda Otto and Anthony LaPaglia). By this point in her life, Ma has been reduced to Phantom of the Opera status, wearing a mask and never appearing to the children, which is kind of awesome if you want teen girls to mock you. The older girls were already inclined, of course, making it clear of the bus that polio girl Janice (Talitha Bateman) wasn’t welcome in their reindeer games.
Already alienated, Janice is easily hooked and reeled when a crayon-written “find me” is slipped under her door. And, check it out, that-off-limits-locked-room-belonging-to-the-girl-who-died is suddenly unlocked and “inviting.” It’s only a matter of time before Janice discovers Aunt 
Hortence. Er, I mean Annabelle. Evil dolls. Pfft. Now why can’t you be like the last polio kid I saw on screen? All he did was sing about newspapers.
Annabelle: Creation is better than its predecessor. This hideous doll was never meant to be Chucky (i.e. come-to-life evil); this doll is stationary at all times. Annabelle, thus, goes for the psychological mind screw, “I didn’t leave the doll there.” From the moment Janice finds Annabelle, however, this edition made it quite clear that Janice was not alone and not in friendly territory. Creation also had a much better handle on potential evil found in innocuous objects, like an LP of “You Are My Sunshine” or a senior stair chair. When horror is done right, anything can be scary. Were it not for the crummy premise, Annabelle: Creation might just have been an exceptional film.
♪Little house
It’s a quiet hallway
Every day
I de-fur the cat
Little house
With insipid yokels
Waking up to scream
AAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
There goes the father with his beads like always
The same old sermon about Hell
Every evening just the same
Ever since my birth from shame
They all say, “The devil take
Thee, Annabelle!”♫
Rated R, 109 Minutes
Director: David F. Sandberg
Writer: Gary Dauberman (A “Dauberman Picture”)
Genre: Orphan torture
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Parents of demonic spawn
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Kids who prefer stuffed animals
♪ Parody Inspired by “Belle”
