Americans are getting larger. That’s hardly a secret. What is a secret is why it has taken so long for markets to start selling to larger Americans. This is not about PC; it’s about money. If the average American woman is wearing XXL panties and Victoria’s Secret maxes out at size XL, that’s a ton of money VS is leaving on the table. What? Larger women don’t want to feel sexy? Don’t deserve to feel sexy? Get outta town with that. That opinion wasn’t valid when the population was only 5% obese; when it’s 40% obese? That’s just stupid.
I’m no fan of beauty pageants. You won’t be shocked to learn I think they are a cynical and patriarchal tool for systematically wresting power away from women. Want to keep your womenfolk shallow and uneducated? Make sure they learn at a very young age how much of their worth is tied up in body image.
Ok, that’s a bit harsh. I suppose I don’t want to ban all beauty pageants, but I sure appreciate communities that value a person’s brains, shrewdness, accomplishments, congeniality, heck even their sports skillz, well above how good somebody looks in a swimsuit. That isn’t the community of today’s film, where beauty is king and every rebel’s radio station is set to that noted queen of subversion: Dolly Parton.
Willowdean’s real momma is Rosie (Jennifer Aniston). Willowdean favors the proportions of the woman who actually raised her, heavyset aunt Lucy (Hillary Begley). But Lucy has passed and now Rosie and Willowdean (Danielle Macdonald) have to deal with one another. And there’s tension in the household surrounding the fact that mom not only still has the proportions of traditional tiara bearers, but runs the local Bluebonnet pageant. So as a form of teenage rebellion, societal rebellion, and the added bonus of embarrassing her mom, “Dumplin’ ” (Rosie’s unflattering pet name for her daughter) enters the pageant along with a spate of rebellious cohorts.
The biggest problem here is that pageants cannot but undermined without a certain amount of conformity. It takes Dumplin’ a bit to realize that just to make a statement about how beauty pageantry should be available to all body types, she is going to have to sing, line dance, strut, answer, obey, flaunt, perform, and be judged … all of which is exactly contradictory to the message she wishes to send. I can’t say that ruined the film for me by itself, but it sure didn’t help the cause.
Early into the rebellion, Dumplin’ flunks a necessary pre-requisite for her talent portion and gets schooled on pageant necessities. I found Dumplin’s brand of self-loathing very hard to find endearing. For one thing, Dumplin’ –despite her off-putting manner and nonconformist body type—has managed to attract the hunkiest of hunks, Bo (Luke Benward). Look, if all you wanted to do was get the guy, mission accomplished, babe. Can’t say I was overwhelmed by Bo’s natural propensity to stand next to a dumpster, but I couldn’t deny his hunkability factor.
The dilemma on Dumplin’ and her Dumpettes comes to fruition – they aren’t faring very well in the contest and need to take this stuff seriously before they embarrass their cause. Hence, they turn to their only reasonable solution – soliciting help from the drag queens at the nearby Dolly Parton themed roadhouse. I can honestly say that even in a film filled to the size 40DDs with Dolly, I didn’t see that one coming.
Two clichés that have got to go in high school films: 1) the scene where the parent embarrasses the child at curbside when 
every.single.enemy just happens to be right there at the moment. 2) The tryout montage. There has been nothing new added to this particular trope since well before High School Musical happened, but everybody is still doing it anyway.
Dumplin’ proved not my favorite appetizer. As recent “Big Girls Don’t Cry” films go, I’m more taken with Sierra Burgess Is a Loser. The latter seemed to have a fuller personality and a brighter outlook. Still, I cannot deny Dumplin’ will charm many an outcaste schoolgirl; if nothing else, we need, collectively, to get used to the trend. The bigger Americans get, the bigger their heroines will get.
♪Here they come, Net Gen
Just when I had figured out how to control ‘em
They staggered in the door
Not looking at the floor
Attuned to all their cute devices
Here they come, Net Gen
Just when I was going to go to work without you
On Instagram they roast
Make avocado toast
And pretty soon I’m wond’rin how I’ll ever get through♫
Rated PG-13, 110 Minutes
Director: Anne Fletcher
Writer: Kristin Hahn
Genre: Hot take
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Alienated beauty contest wannabes
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The kind of asshole who owns a “No Fat Chicks” t-shirt
♪ Parody Inspired by “Here You Come Again”
