There’s a special kind of déjà vu that comes with some foreign films. I mean, how many Filipino movies am I going to see in the course of a year? 2? 3? What are the odds that I’m going to see something I’ve already seen?
Miss Granny is a Filipino remake of the 2014 Chinese film 20 Once Again. I did not know this going in, hence bizarre déjà vu. I see from my initial reaction that I loathed 20 Once Again, something I -luckily- did not remember while watching the same events transpire anew, but in the Philippines. Apparently, time makes the awful acceptable; we need look no further than the White House to know the hideous truth therein. Mystical youth-finding fantasy Miss Granny suffers from exactly the same problems as 20 Once Again, but they seemed slightly more palatable this time around. Not that I liked the film any better; I just liked knowing I wasn’t going to be alarmed by something freshly stupid.
Fely Malabaño (Nova Villa) is something of a miserable cur. She bullies family to the tune of giving her daughter-in-law an ulcer, and now her middle-aged son has to choose between the two women [read: “bye, mom”]. Fely’s life seems rough, so I guess it’s her right to be disagreeable. And yet, picking slap fights while bussing tables in her cafeteria workplace is an ugly look. It doesn’t get any prettier when I tell you the woman is well over 70. Naturally, this is our heroine. Yay? And I find myself having the same problem as I did the last time: why am I rooting for this woman? Miss Granny tries to clear that part up by showing another cafeteria scuffle, this one instigated by a woman who claimed Fely ran them out-of-business and indirectly killed her mother decades earlier. Well, now I really want to root for this woman, huh? Ironically, of course, this was exactly the piece of information I needed to get a little more involved in the tale. I still don’t get why this woman should be allowed to relive her youth, but I am intrigued enough to see how we got here.
Lured into a mysterious photo studio advertising Audrey Hepburn, Fely enters as Filipino Kate and leaves as Filipino Audrey (Sarah Geronimo). Once she realizes this, she changes her hair and wardrobe to accentuate the resemblance, and even changes her name to “Odrey.” This, of course, makes me wish I were watching a genuine Audrey Hepburn film, but whatchagonnado? Sarah Geronimo is a professional singer and it just so happens that Fely’s grandson’s metal band has an opening for lead singer. Gosh, what were the odds? Yes, this film still has the scene or scenes where Jeboy Malabaño (James Reid) unwittingly hits on his own grandmother.
These moments made the crowd around me ecstatic while turning my stomach. So I guess it’s just me. Once joining the band, the charismatic Odrey immediately changes their style from trash metal to 60s lovepop. Luckily, the rest of the band has the collective backbone of a cephalopod, so this transition means nothing to them, especially when producers start taking notice.
Malabaño, which I believe is Spanish for “bad bathroom,” seems perhaps not an ideal metaphor for this tale, but it’s not far off. I mean, this film stinks. The body switch genre is supposed to show exactly how fortunate Miss Granny is to be Miss Granny and not a teenager. I see no truth in this revelation. Yes, I see her devotion to family is strong and something that’s very important to old Fely, but the remake fails 20 Once Again to explain adequately what’s so much better about being a seventysomething. I respect this version a little more for showing how Fely was cheated out of her youth and perhaps owed a second chance, but 1) It’s clear she loves being a kid so much more than being an old woman and 2) Her future has no zing. There isn’t a clear path as to how the life of Fely will improve once she returns and, in fact, she spent so much on the Odrey look, she may just have to bus tables right up to her premature death. So, hey everybody, take grandma and have a rousing good time at this one, ok?
Remakes are an oft erring con
Choosing what bits to bring on
Don’t get in a fix
Bad flicks are bad flicks
Whether Chinese, Filipino, or Klingon
Not Rated, 120 Minutes
Director: Joyce Bernal
Writer: Jinky Laurel
Genre: The opposite of Big … so “Little”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Your cantankerous grandmother
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Any easily nauseated grandson
