The original Lion King is among the most overrated films ever made. The Hamlet-esque setup suggests a deeper understanding into filial and royal relations, but the therapy-starved boy prince here is 80% annoying and 0% introspective. And Hamlet never takes to singing about how hawkish and dictatorial his reign will be.
I don’t know if we’ve had enough of the “live action” remakes or what, but this new Disney re-visitation adds little to the genre. The Lion King is the story of lion cub Simba (voice of JD McCrary young, Donald Glover older), born into privilege to enforce a horrible system of government disguised as a “Circle of Life.” Yeah, tell that to lower members of the food chain. When his uncle Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor) stages a coup, Simba is exiled afar where he learns the joys of Laissez-faire Libertarianism. When he grows up, Simba realizes that the only government worse than birthright monarchy is the one in which no citizen feels a responsibility towards any other, and returns to challenge for the crown. Does that sound about right to you?
The one new thought thrust upon me this time around is, “Why can’t Nala (Shahadi Wright Joseph young, Beyoncé older) take over the pride, and, hence, the kingdom?” Simba’s childhood playmate and arranged queen is smarter, tougher, stronger, and shrewder than Simba; she never ran away from her troubles and her participation in young Simba’s ode to despotism was simply about independence, not “how fun it’s gonna be when I decide who lives and who dies.” Even here, The Lion King cannot escape its sexist roots, naturally assuming all female lions will take a backseat to whatever mane-sporting clown shows up.
I’m getting ahead of myself a bit; I just can’t help imagining King Donald getting his way and eventually handing his American throne down to Don, Jr. Could there be anything more disgusting? How did historic anti-monarchists deal with a straight line of jackasses?
The best character in The Lion King remains Mufasa (James Earl Jones), the ruler of the pride lands as the story begins. Among the cast, James Earl Jones is the only one to revise his original role. Recognizing the setting of the African plains and a greater appeal to those of African descent, Disney did make an effort to get more ethnic this time around. This, of course, led to such Afro-centric voices such as Seth Rogen, Amy Sedaris, and John Oliver. As in the previous version, The Lion King kills off its lion king in Act I, leaving young Simba to scramble alone until he locates a small cult of independent hedonists whose motto of “Hakuna Matata” means no one will ever mistake them for dudes who care. Eventually, Nala has to collect Simba, cuz she “needs” him. This sets up a love story that lasts –beginning to end, I’m not kidding- exactly as long as the Elton John ditty: “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” Romance has never been so shallow.
I concede one very enjoyable facet of the “live action” version is how well it describes our current government milieu [read: morass]: Trump is, of course, King Scar; the hyenas are anybody who has been temporarily enriched or empowered by Trump’s awful; and the thoughtless parade of stomping wildebeests who claimed the throne for Scar are the army of easily manipulated trolls and MAGA drones who chant, “LOCK HER UP,” “SEND HER BACK,” or meet any fact-checked accusal of the blithering-idiot-in-charge with denial, deflection, and discrediting [read: anything but a thoughtful, on-point rebuttal]. Historically in this analogy, we are currently in the development stage where the pride lands are starting to rot and wither. I can’t say anything else about this version improves upon the original … but, personally, I don’t need to see the original again, either.
♪Redux infinitum
Sets the country ablaze
Redux infinitum
An inspired malaise
It means remaking
And lauding with undue praise
You don’t need a fee
When you thieve your tree
Redux infinitum
Redux infinitum
Unfocus your gaze
Redux infinitum
Gets executive praise
It means Walt Disney
Will rake in money for days
Sans one single thought
Or a nuanced plot
Redux infinitum♫
Rated PG, 118 Minutes
Director: Jon Favreau
Writer: Jeff Nathanson
Genre: Pointless remakes
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The crowd I saw it with was pretty into it, so I’m guessing those for whom The Lion King was already a household favorite
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who identify the pointlessness of this version
♪ Parody Inspired by “Hakuna Matata”
As an unrelated bonus, don’t forget to check out my Lion-Crab essay here.
