The story of love-triangle astronaut Lisa Nowak may not be the very worst idea for a screenplay, but (thinks hard) rivals are not coming to mind immediately. You can look up that name if you like. In fact, I encourage doing so because it will give more of a rise than this film, which simultaneously sought to laud astronauts while delving into the worst non-mortality related astronaut story ever made public.
Engineer/mother/astronaut Lucy Cola (Natalie Portman) returns from visiting space where checking her gmail wasn’t much of a concern. Earth suddenly seems like a downer. It’s not like she finds everything wanting necessarily, but compared to seeing the sunrise every 45 minutes, Earth sucks. She seems to live in a mild dream-like state where all that matters is getting back to the heavens again … like the plot of that stupid Star Trek movie. And only astronauts can understand, dude. Haven’t been to space? Well then you just don’t get it.
Ever cognizant that acting is her profession, Natalie Portman trots out her southern accent for this role. Sure, nobody else in the picture has a drawl, including the people she’s supposed to be related to, but don’t let that stop you. Acting!
The film selected a spouse (Dan Stevens) for Lucy who puts the Ork in dork. I’m sure this casting was crucial so that we can find sympathy when Lucy finds solace in the arms of NASA’s resident lothario, Mark Goodwin (John Hamm). Mark has been to space; he gets it. Of course, Mark also gets … everything. He strikes me as the kind of guy who hasn’t been denied a lot in his life.
There’s a cadre among the space-traveled; they literally go bowling together. There are several references to emotions only astronauts can understand, the rest of you Earth-lubbers will forever be in the dark. It’s weird how alienating this feels as an audience member. Ok, have your little space club with space club parties and space club meetings and space club lunches with space club sandwiches. Meanwhile, Lucy’s obsessions with Mark and returning to space are slowly driving her insane. I guess NASA missed that on the psych eval.
Lucy in the Sky is a vacuum not unlike the vacuum of space itself. It is a place where reasonable ideas go to die. I thought for a while that this picture had something insightful to say about space travel, but that thought is ultimately undermined by the only person whose story we follow. I’m trying to imagine who this film is for and coming up empty … the film seems to be stating “astronauts are a different breed” and “only someone who has spent time in space can truly know what life is about.” However inclusive as those thoughts are, astronauts themselves would cringe at this thing knowing how it concludes. Bottom line is the producers turned comic material into a case-study drama; it’s like tuning Airplane! back into Zero Hour! on purpose. And unless you’re an ex-astronaut driven to insanity by how commonplace non-space life is, there is nothing to relate to in this film.
♪Picture yourself on a seat in a theater
Where tangerine Hamm draws female sighs
Someone with accent, she draw-als quite slowly
A girl out to score Oscar’s prize
Jealousy conquers this astronaut’s mien
As she climbs into her ride
Look for the girl with a bucket-seat ass
On the road
Lisa on the fly with (her) demons
Lisa on the fly with demons
Lisa on the fly with diapers
Ah♫
Rated R, 124 Minutes
Director: Noah Hawley
Writer: Noah Hawley, Elliott DiGuiseppi, Brian C. Brown
Genre: The dark side of the moon visitors
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Natalie Portman
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: NASA
♪ Parody Inspired by “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”
