On February 13, 2017, Kim Jong-nam, the eldest son of Kim Jong-Il and the half-brother of Kim Jong-un was assassinated at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Every time the word “assassination” comes to my mind, I picture shots in Ford’s Theater and the impromptu stage performance that followed or of a motorcade in Dealey Plaza and gunfire from disputed angles.
This assassination took the form of a prank … a prank resembling an aggressive perfume-counter spritzer at the local mall. No shots. No radios. No racing from the scene of the crime. No hubbub at all apart from that which one might see at any international airport on a daily basis. In fact, Kim Jong-nam didn’t die on the spot. He ambled around long enough to lodge a complaint to airport officials. I can’t tell if that’s the mark of a world-class professional or the rankest of rank amateurs. Imagine, say, Barack Obama being done in by a random mime or a drunk guy singing karaoke and you have a good idea of the “WTF going on around here?”
Assassins is a study of the background surrounding the events of 2/13/17 in Kuala Lumpur International; it’s kinda like JFK, if JFK were a documentary … and not fictional. The film takes special notice of the two women charged with murder: 28-year-old Vietnamese woman Đoàn Thị Hương and 25-year-old Indonesian woman named Siti Aisyah. There was never a doubt they “committed” the crime. Yup, there they are, right there on tape, plain as day, spritzing VX nerve agent into Kim Jong-nam’s face.
Hold up a second. VX nerve agent?! Who the Hell has access to VX nerve agent? “I’m sure in [2017], [VX nerve gas] is available at every corner drugstore…” [/Doc Brown] And yet, to me, this is the heart of the case. You’re in Malaysia. Where and how is a 25-year-old Indonesian girl gonna get VX nerve gas in Malaysia? In the very least, there’s a conspiracy going on here. And as long as there’s a conspiracy, do you think the ones in charge are the foreign bubble-headed would-be pranksters? It’s like charging Bill & Ted with espionage and treason.
It’s pretty clear early on that the women were the agents of the agent, so the questions become: who was responsible? And did the women truly believe they were playing a prank and, if so, what level of responsibility do you owe to somebody you play a prank on? What’s a standard prank: flaming dogshit? What if placing flaming dogshit caused Donald Trump Jr. to die? I mean
, other than that being an awesome combination of absolutely hilarious and disturbingly tragic, what responsibility have you to that would-be murder? What if somebody put you up to it?
I will add right now that I do NOT wish to see the death of Donald Trump Jr. While I think he is a piece of dogshit and I might unwittingly laugh out loud at him being done in by a flaming bag of dogshit, I do not advocate such. Murder is still murder even if the victim is a supreme asshole. Feel free, however, to examine and prosecute his crimes to the fullest extent of the law.
Assassins was clearly more taken with the mystery and the fate of the pranksters than answering philosophical questions. That’s my job. But this film was a pretty good investigation of one of the weirdest political assassinations of our lifetimes. Oh, and who did it? Motives, my friends. Who stands to gain when an heir to the throne dies?
The kingdom of North Korea ain’t chill
Jong-Un remains paranoid still
Orchestrated by wealth
Citing political “health”
But this shit be totally Kim Jong-Ill
Not Rated,104 Minutes
Director: Ryan White
Writer: Old Fashioned Politics
Genre: Old Fashioned Politics
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Amateur Criminologists
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Kim Jong-Un
