What do you do when you’ve committed completely to an asinine role? Part of me actually feels for Nick Swardson. He imagined and fully fleshed out Bucky Larson, a rabbit-toothed, bowl-haired Midwestern moron who goes to Hollywood for the specific purpose of being a porn star. And, oh yeah, he has a dick so small it can be sheathed with the end of drinking straw. And, oh yeah, when he gets sexually excited … you know what? I don’t even want to finish that sentence. Suffice to say if you’ve matured beyond the age of ten, you won’t find it funny.
And the whole time Nick Swardson is Bucky. Totally. When he masturbates for the first time and discovers his parents are porn stars, he remains Bucky. When a rival display’s Bucky’s vagina-like lower-region to party friends, he remains Bucky. When he auditions for a Mac & Cheese commercial by whipping it out and going for it, he remains Bucky. I honestly have a modicum of admiration for Nick – he 
stayed true to an awful, awful character. That man was going to sell us comedy even if he didn’t say or do a single funny thing. And I know, because he didn’t.
You know what the weird thing about Bucky Larson is? There is actually some business sense to the plot. In the film, Bucky becomes a star because people love his porn – compared to Bucky’s miniscule penis and awkward ways, the men aren’t threatened and the women suddenly think their boyfriend is a superhero. This isn’t reality, of course. But in reality, a porn star with an exceptionally small penis would sell, would it not? If nothing else, just for comic effect. I dunno. Maybe I’m discounting the reasons people watch porn. Who wrote this, anyway? Adam Sandler. Oh (slaps forehead), should have guessed. This has immaturity along the lines crank calls and flaming bags of dog poop written all over it. Thanks Adam. Count your blessings you live in a world with Tyler Perry so something else can always be considered worse. Not much, but a very miniscule amount; the kind of amount you’d sheathe with the end of a drinking straw.
Rated R, 96 Minutes
D: Tom Brady, who must have directed this when the Patriots failed to make the super bowl.
W: Adam Sandler, Allen Covert & Nick Swardson
Genre: Comedy for people who still titter when he/she hears the word “penis”
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who are into the business of porn, not the porn itself, and, oh yeah, 10-year-old boys
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Christina Ricci fans
