Dolphin Tale

Dolphin Tale is a classic example of the sum being greater than the parts. It is a movie with bad acting, bad storytelling, no action, unimaginative use of 3D, a forgettable hero, top billing going to (drum roll please) Harry Connick Jr., and scene after scene of staring at a deformed marine mammal doing next to nothing. And yet … it works. Don’t ask; it just does.

Dolphin Tale opens with dolphins, shows dolphins in the beginning, middle and end and then throws in some more dolphins for good measure. Hey, no skimping on those dolphins. There’s also a pelican who is a dick. Sorry, “jerk.” Kid review and all.

Early on our hero Sawyer (Nathan Gamble) finds “Winter” washed ashore tied to a crab trap. Her tail has been compromised. Winter plays herself in the film, so she’s clearly wearing a prosthetic in the early scenes. Damn good one, I’d say. Bottom line, Winter has to lose the tail. (Since “Doctor” Harry Connick Jr. presumably did the surgery, you’d think the cut would be cleaner, but hey, it’s a movie. “Geez, doc, you amputate like Frank Sinatra.”) Dolphins, of course, need tails; they don’t really live without them. If you can’t guess the ending by now, well, you just aren’t paying attention. Not only that, we telegraph all the plot points as well – Sawyer has an older cousin who is going into the army. Don’t see this one coming? I’ll give you a hint – the dolphin will need a prosthetic tail. In the mean time, Sawyer falls in love with the dolphin, but single mom Ashley Judd fails to fall in love with single dad, Harry Connick Jr. Did we forget something, folks? And Morgan Freeman shows up as a prosthetics doctor to remind people he’s Morgan Freeman.

Now, you read all that and you’re saying to yourself, “I’m sorry. How did this not suck?” I can’t answer that. Maybe we just love dolphins. Maybe there’s something about caring for intelligent non-human mammals. That, however, didn’t make me like Born to Be Wild one little bit. Look, I’m not saying this is a great piece of art. It isn’t and never will be confused with one. But I’ll put it in the Jackie Chan/Jaden Smith Karate Kid category: if your child brings this to you and makes you watch it, well, you can do a lot freaking worse. Trust me.

By the way, the opening credits read: “with Winter as herself”. What? No “and”? Get a new agent.

Rated PG, 113 Minutes
D: Charles Martin Smith
W: Karen Janszen, Noam Dromi
Genre: The kind of film your five-year-old will insist on seeing over and over and over …
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Five-year-olds.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Twenty-five year olds.