WTF? Guillermo del Toro is advertised, but isn’t the director?! Mutherf…! That’s worth two stars right there. And it showed.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is among your dumber horror films. I found the villains, pint–sized mites who occasionally find sharp instruments, about as threatening as the Pillsbury Dough Boy:
And the buggers don’t like light. So you see them always turning off lights when they enter rooms, but, hey, why not just cut the power, fellas? And, um, humans? Why not turn on the light and keep it on? No more meanies.
I found most of my watching incentive for this film was waiting for Katie Holmes to be pretty. Yup, she’s still fetching. I’m good, I guess. Past that? Well – monsters in a locked basement. Curious family frees them accidentally. Tragedy happens. Conflict. End. And yet another monster story easily spoiled by “why don’t you morons just leave the house?” Child screaming for her life. Battles monsters, gets them on film for proof and, oh yeah, there are traces left behind like tiny corpses and body parts… well, just ignore her claims and put her to bed. She’ll be all right.
Don’t Be Afraid is one of those movies that constantly wants it both ways – we have to believe in evil faeries, yet we don’t investigate even the most simple of claims. How did the caretaker’s accidental falling down the stairs turn into 27 separate stab wounds? You don’t believe the child crying wolf and yet your compassion leads you no further than recreating the same trauma in her life again and again. There’s a difference between awful parenting and surreal parenting. Dark crosses the line a few too many times. Next time, let Guillermo direct as well as write.
Rated R, 99 Minutes
D: Troy Nixey
W: Guillermo del Toro & Matthew Robbins
Genre: Horror?
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Frustrated viewers who need to see the precocious kid from Just Go with It suffer a little, or a lot
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Musophobics
