Important rule of thumb: don’t enter a dance contest against a CGI creation. You’ll lose. No, no, I know what you’re thinking, “but Jim, I’m a totally hot sexy dance machine; I got all the moves and even some that haven’t been invented yet; I move like Michael Jackson on crack.” Nope. You’re still gonna lose. Sorry.
There’s a level of sexual pretense in Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked that delves into the surreal. See the aft-figure in this pic:
Why does a pre-pubescent rodent need to look sexy?
Don’t answer that question. I don’t honestly wish to know the answer.
Oh yeah, there was a plot here – Alvin is a singing chipmunk. There are five other singing chipmunks with Alvin, but he gets top billing for some reason. Alvin is kind of a dick and when his hijinks on a cruise ship go too far, everybody gets stuck on a deserted isle for wacky fun. It’s worse than it sounds. Oh, and by the way, the island has buried treasure, an active volcano, and a resident (Jenny Slate). Alvin’s handler Dave (Jason Lee) eventually shows up to look for his munks. Perhaps he just needs some spiritual guidance.
Topping off this banana split cornucopia of plot, character and liverwurst-flavored ice cream is David Cross in a pelican suit. At this point, I can only picture David Letterman commenting, “it looks like comedy; it smells like comedy, but there ain’t a damn funny thing about it.” Yup, that’s Chip-Wrecked in a nutshell.
Now if you don’t mind, I’m older than five and thus have thought waaaaaaay too much about this “film” already.
Rated G, 87 Minutes
D: Mike Mitchell
W: Jonathan Aibel & Glenn Berger
Genre: High-pitched crap
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The child who thinks it’s funny when a grown man yells at a chipmunk
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody over the age of five
Yeah, but was the music good??