Sometimes I hate being The Grinch. I really do. You wanna think Bridesmaids was all that? Go ahead. No skin off my nose. You like Tom Cruise for his acting? So do I, most of the time. I sure don’t like him for any other reason. I wanted not to hate Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. Wanted. Desired. Yearned. Really and truly.
See, I hated the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I couldn’t stand what a jerk Greg (Zachary Gordon) was to his few friends and what appalling situations the film chose to strand its subjects. But Wimpy resonated with some kids. It seemed piss poor compared to some of the self-discovery pre-teen films of my youth, like Freaky Friday, Escape to Witch Mountain and Kenny & Company, but hey, to each generation its own, right? This one chose to honor Wimpy Kid. It’s time to find out why.
The only improvement in the formula was that I couldn’t find it newly appalling the second time.
The first moments encouraged. Greg immediately apologizes to his friend Rowley (Robert Capron) for the broken arm the latter suffered at the hands of Greg’s ego in film #1. I was hopeful. Here, this film is saying to me, “sorry about that first installment. That was a little over the top; now it’s time for good family fun.” Sucker. Within the following five minutes, Greg encourages Rowley to do an embarrassing lip-sync to Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” that ends in Rowley getting the equivalent of a cactus stuck to his ass. The whole thing gets put on youtube.
Relatively speaking, that was an easy scene to take. How ‘bout this moment? The family is on its way to church. Greg sits on an open chocolate candy bar in the car. It stains his white pants in a fashion that cannot be described as anything other than “he shit himself”. His parents make him walk into church with the stain. His brother Rodrick, the titular character of whom can best be said he’s a douche on the order that even bad girls won’t talk to him, reveals the stain in front of the crowded congregation.
Why, movie, why? Why do you hate your characters? I’d like to say this was Greg’s only bad moment in the film, but it’s not even close. How about the time he gets duped into hitting on a transvestite? How about the time he has to be rescued by a parent in the middle of a teen filled roller rink? Or how about the time he has to track down his diary (stolen by Rodrick on the premise of showing it to Greg’s would-be girlfriend) in an old folks home in public view while wearing nothing but tighty-whities? Did I mention the scene ends with him getting caught in the women’s room by the pool?
I simply have no respect for any film that treats all of its players like … underside candy bar stains. I don’t care if the last ten minutes redeems everything; that doesn’t explain the first 90. This is one of the worst films of the year and a third film in this series, no matter how good, would put this franchise in “worse than Twilight” territory. That’s nowhere to be.
Rated PG, 99 Minutes
D: David Bowers
W: Gabe Sachs and Jeff Judah
Genre: Cringeworthy
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Bullies
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The humane
