What is our cultural fascination with creatures that live in ice? We’ve done penguins, we’ve done whales, we did The Thing … are polar bears next?
Big Miracle is a classic case of why failure to act is sometimes a necessity. Like, say, the last shot of the movie, in which we discover our hero Adam (John Krasinski) sitting aside Sarah Palin. Yes, it’s the 80s. Yes, we’re in Alaska. Yes, our hero is a news guy. So WTF is Sarah Palin doing in this shot? Just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s relevant. It’s like adding a young Jimmy Carter to The Help. Let it go, man.
This, of course, is Big Miracle in a nutshell, or an ice floe as the case may be. A forgettable feel good news story from the 80s becomes a can’t-wait-for-cable feature length film with fabricated tension, mediocre heroes, and no surprises. Three gray whales are stuck inland as arctic Barrow, Alaska starts to freeze over. People notice, frozen waves are made and we give a national crap about whales for about 60 seconds. I lived through this and remember nothing of this story, which is a fair indication of how little attention this actually captured, contrary to the embellishment as written.
The players are a Who’s-Who of lightweight entertainment: John Krasinski, Kristen Bell, Tim Blake Nelson, Ted Danson, Stephen Root, Rob Riggle, and the Queen of “What was that film again?” Drew Barrymore. Drew plays Rachel Kramer, Greenpeace activist, and apparently decided to study for the part by visiting college campuses during Oppression Week. Her character demonstrates exactly why the Occupy movements have yet to foment a revolution – passion without finesse comes off as self-righteousness. Nobody likes self-righteousness.
So, to sum up – you got a humorless softball first semester project in screen writing class (Clichés 101), three dead-eyed whales, John Krasinski trying to make time with an L.A. Woman, Drew Barrymore shrieking “you whale-killing bastards suck” every two minutes all set in environmental conditions I wouldn’t visit for 30 seconds on a dare. It’s possible your five-year-old will like this, but I’d show the kid Dolphin Tale first.
Rated PG, 107 Minutes
D: Ken Kwapis
W: Jack Amiel & Michael Begler
Genre: Schmaltz
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: A five-year-old who can take a little pain
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Fans of big oil
