Journey 2: The Mysterious Island starts off like a teen boy getting lucky at prom – it’s so interested in getting to the good stuff, it skips all the preliminaries. Yes, there’s a secret island with all sorts of biological anomalies blocked by a permanent tornado that has somehow eluded the notice of every satellite, government and modern sailor to date, but it takes about 15 minutes of screen time for a teen (Josh Hutcherson) and a pro wrestler (Dwayne Johnson) to get us there. Would have been even more premature, but most of the foreplay was taken up by a motorcycle chase.
How would you discipline your teen stepson’s high speed arrest? Journey decides an all expenses paid tropical vacation “but I’m coming with you” is fair. While on Palau, we acquire two new folks : Gabato (Luis Guzmán) , which is great because I haven’t seen Luis overact in almost two months now (what is Spanish for “Ham” anyway?) and Kailani (Vanessa Hudgens), so Josh will have somebody to leer at.
“How did they find the island?” you ask. Kid steals a secret message hidden within the works of Jules Verne; luckily Hank (Johnson) points out that he won a naval award for code breaking. Personally I find it hard to believe the Navy trains a full-contact code breaking unit, but it makes slightly more sense than Dr. James Franco.
A sequel in name only, Journey 2 has the foresight to combine the weak 3D effects of the modern age with the old fashioned idea that an action film doesn’t have to make sense. The island itself is the standard paradise-lost-in-time dealio. Small things big, Big things small. A few dinosaurs. Lots of improvised danger and awful dialogue for the newbies. You want to say been there, done that: King Kong, Land of the Lost, et al. I can’t, however, hate a film with basset-hound sized elephants. Can you? Wouldn’t you love a pet elephant the size of a dog? I’d totally love that. Great stuff. Well, that and the ‘Pec Pop O’ Love’ (you have to see it to believe it).
The most enjoyable scene in the film is a musical ukulele number on the island. Given the cast of Dwayne Johnson, Vanessa Hudgens, Michael Caine, Josh Hutcherson, and Luis Guzmán, one might think it’s obvious who performs the adventure-specific version of “What a Wonderful World” and you’re right – Dwayne Johnson nails it. This is the second film in as many months (New Year’s Eve) in which a High School Musical lead has sat out the singing portion of the film. Is High School Musical 4 destined to feature students staring in random directions? Journey2 deserves some credit here; you have Vanessa Hudgens and a monolith in a tight shirt, you have a musical number. Takes a fair amount of balls/stupidity to choose the monolith.
Yes, Michael Caine, we’re all thinking the same thing.
There was a plot here I suppose. Does it matter? No.
Rated PG,94 Minutes
D: Brad Peyton
W: Richard Outten, Brian Gunn & Mark Gunn
Genre: Stupid adventure
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who like adventure more than writing, acting or logic
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The Rock headlines this one. You tell me.
As someone who’s tried to parse mashed together morse code bits into letters, should also be known that that crap doesn’t decipher quickly.