Do you have any idea what films like this do to men? You wake up from a coma and discover you’re married to Channing Tatum – and not a single bit of that gives you any comfort … what chance do the rest of us have?
Let’s go back there, shall we. Paige (Rachel McAdams) and Leo (Channing Tatum), neither of these very pretty people looks like a “Paige” or a “Leo” to me but I didn’t cast them, are a young married couple in love. When the Chicago snow presses, a dumptruck mistakes itself for a Leomobile plow thus putting the parked car inhabitants in the hospital. She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, hence coma. If you take nothing else from this film, girls, wear your seatbelt in the car at all times, OK? Weeks later, Paige wakes up in the hospital. In front of her are two people in 
OR scrubs. The first, a fifty-something woman, has her chart and immediately starts in with clinical questions. The second, hopeful-faced Channing, asks “do you know who I am?” Paige responds,“Sure, my doctor.” Does anyone else have a problem here? You assumed the hunky, empty-handed twentysomething was your doctor? Weren’t you a promising law student once upon a time? Oh yeah, The Vow is “based on a true story,” the same way that West Side Story is based on Romeo and Juliet.
What do expect from a movie in which security guards chase people around a museum for having a five-minute impromptu wedding? You can’t catch a bride in heels? And what if you do catch them? Have them arrested? These are the kind of things that make a cute movie cuter, but make a poor movie disgraceful.
“Excuse me, Miss, you dropped your copy of Rebellion for Beginners back there.”
Then we get to the next puzzle – you lose five years of your life, memory-wise, and there’s no comfort in the realization you married Channing Tatum. No part of you says, “wow, I rock. Look at what I landed!” No part of you is excited or curious or nervous? Just confused and mildly disappointed. Huh.
Eventually, Leo convinces Paige they are married and thus gets her to come back to their flat where he walks on eggshells trying to get her to come around. The indulgence in unapologetic, full-blown woman fantasy here is exaggerated by how little Leo seems to know of his wife. The imbalance is most pronounced — new Paige is a bit of a self-centered debutante, while Leo is her lap dog, constantly begging for attention. And, oh yes, here we introduce a conflict with no root in quality story telling: her parents (Jessica Lange and Sam Neill) fight Leo for custody. This is simply a bad plot line and detracts from anything positive The Vow might have to offer.
With Paige still lukewarm at best to the life she built, Leo suggests they start dating, so they might fall in love all over again. So for an hour I thought about one of my favorite underrated speeches from When Harry Met Sally:
[quote style=”boxed”]Next day she said she’s thought about it, and she wants a trial separation. She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date. Like this is supposed to cushion the blow. I mean I got married so I can stop dating. So I don’t see where we can still date is any big incentive since the last thing you want to do is date your wife.[/quote]
The Vow is deeper than I thought it would be. I give it credit here. Post accident Paige is so dismissive of her current life that she reverts back to a different person, with shallower values and a slimier beau. And in becoming her post-teen self again, she disrespects not only her current husband, but herself as well. She rejects out-of-hand everything she’s learned in five years. This is good stuff. What if you woke tomorrow without memory of the past five years? Would you like the choices you made? This is where, and only where, The Vow inadvertently works for me.
Of course, The Vow never quite addresses the problems of the Paige/Leo marriage pre-accident. We’re too busy rooting for their reunion; we ignore several issues, not the least of which is why Paige doesn’t seem to find Leo attractive. Paige/Leo also break one of the key unspoken commandments to blissful marriage: at least one of you has to have a job that pays the bills. Aw, forget it. Long as they’re back together by the end, I suppose we don’t care why they got there or how they’ll survive, just that they did.
Rated PG-13 , 104 Minutes
D: Michael Sucsy
W: Jason Katims, Abby Kohn, Stuart Sender, Marc Silverstein, and Michael Sucsy
Genre: Female fantasy
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Romantics scoring 8 or greater in the “Hopeless” category
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Men
