Is this what it felt like when The Beatles broke up? Daniel Radcliffe not being Harry Potter seems wrong. Daniel Radcliffe without Rupert Grint or Emma Watson seems wrong, too, like Lennon without McCartney. Of course, this particular analogy is only relevant if you picture three Ringo Starrs.
This particular Ringo plays a mediocre early 20th Century London lawyer named Arthur Kipps. Frankly, I like “Ringo” better. His mediocrity may or may not have to do with his wife’s death upon childbirth. The movie isn’t clear on this point. What it is clear about is Ringo’s job is on the line unless he straightens a mountain of paperwork in a creepy house in a very remote part of England. How creepy? Well it’s a good mile removed from any other house, constantly surrounded by fog and a graveyard. It is inaccessible during high tide for hours of every day. The name of the manor is “Eel Marsh” (great name for a creepy setting, huh?) And, oh yeah, it’s haunted by The Woman in Black.
The moment he sets foot off the train, the locals (aside from Ciarán Hinds) immediately discourage Ringo. No room at the inn … must leave now … “you baby-killing bastard!” That sort of thing. And why not? Every time somebody, anybody, sees The Woman in Black, a child dies. It’s amazing there’s anybody left alive in England. Didn’t Sherlock Holmes investigate multiple murders every day? You guys survived Jack the Ripper, a pair of World Wars, Bloody Mary, the Crusades, the Vikings, Sweeney Todd and Prince Charles. And how does this work anyway? What if you saw The Woman in Black, but thought she was a coatrack? Do you then think you see a child die? What if you saw her out the corner of your eye? Does a child lose a leg? What defines a child anyway? What if you have a teenager, does that count? Is there a death radius? So many questions. What are there rules here?
Reminded me of this:
There’s good atmosphere and some pretty good scares in Woman in Black. In the end, however, I couldn’t help thinking, “if you people actually know what’s going on, you’re absolute morons. ‘Don’t go near Eel Marsh?’ Gimme a break. You need to burn the village to the ground and move away while your children still live.”
But it’s got Ringo Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe.
Rated PG-13 , 95 Minutes
D: James Watkins
W: Jane Goldman
Genre: Post-potter cash-in
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Rustic xenophobes
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Disillusioned Potterphiles
