Good Deeds

You know what? If Tyler Perry were just an actor, I might like his work. He’d never be a leading man, of course; he’s a bit stiff (even when not on purpose) and his range isn’t wonderful, but he has a decent screen presence and a great smile; he’d make a good judge, neighbor, or lesbian partner.

Unfortunately, Tyler Perry isn’t just an actor; he’s more of a butcher, destroying art through direction, myopia and the written word. Talented man, Tyler.

In Good Deeds, Tyler does what he does best: presents several characters I don’t care about in situations I don’t believe. And then bores me with them. Thandie Newton plays Lindsey, the prettiest homeless I’ve ever seen and I’ve lived in downtown Oakland for two decades. She and her daughter live out of the prettiest homeless car I’ve ever seen, too. You know, it’s difficult for people who don’t live in their car to keep it clean. She and her six-year-old are there 100 hours a week and the thing is spotless. Glory be.

She’s also among the least pleasant homeless people I’ve ever met.

And where does she park, anyway? Let’s pretend that I can buy the argument that Lindsey can afford gas. Nobody’s been able to park free in downtown San Francisco since the 1906 earthquake … and I’m pretty sure meter maids were the first government service back up running afterwards.

This reminds me that Good Deeds was shot entirely in Atlanta, but set in San Francisco. To keep up the illusion, several money shots of The City are shown in between scenes, which reminded me a great deal of the TV show “Charmed,” also set in Ess Eff and shot elsewhere. But I could tell this wasn’t “Charmed” mostly because the Shannen Doherty, Alyssa Milano vehicle had more character depth.

Tyler plays Wesley Deeds, multi-millionaire and head of a large downtown corporation where Thandie works as a night janitor. An ugly meet-cute between the two is followed by several more ugly scenes in which Thandie reminds us how much better romance is when the audience likes the subject. Wesley sees beyond the fact that she’s a jerk 24/7 and sets out to make her life better. Awww. When he sets her up in a corporate apartment, I just about had enough. You do realize, Mr. Perry, that this is the kind of thing horrible rich white men do to justify their affairs, right? “She’s not my mistress; I’m giving her a place to live out of the kindness of my heart…” “This poor 42-two-year-old woman needs to be adopted for her protection, not mine…” Sound familiar? No?

Well, why would it? Only Tyler Perry could create a rich guy named “Deeds” and either by ignorance or deliberate deception pretends he has nothing to do with Mr. Deeds Goes to Town or the Adam Sandler revisitation. For a moment during the on-screen excitement, I pictured Tyler remaking a whole slew of b&w classic comic romances, starring himself as Spencer Tracy opposite a Katherine Hepburn who is now trailer trash or a crack whore. Hey, hey, nix that comic stuff, too. This is serious.

Imdb lists Good Deeds as a comedy. This came as a surprise to me as there was exactly one moment of true levity in this pretty solemn film. It comes when stiff old Wesley dons some “casual Friday” wear and grooves to Tupac’s “How Do U Want It” (Does the idea that any black man no matter how rich or conservative wouldn’t know who Tupac Shakur is offend you, too? No. Ok, I’ll move on.) That’s it. In many a TP film, the audience laughs occasionally while I don’t. Not the case here. Nobody laughed. Nothing was funny. Perhaps imdb meant “comedy” in the traditional sense of “having a happy ending.” Or, perhaps, the person who made the addition simply can’t tell the difference from when Tyler Perry is trying to be funny from when he’s not. Yeah, I get that.

Rated PG-13 , 111 Minutes
D: Tyler Perry
W: Tyler Perry
Genre: Comatose Tyler Perry (the type where he doesn’t do drag)
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Deniers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The child whose parents insisted that attending a Tyler Perry film as a family for cultural solidarity