Think Like a Man

Are men really so difficult to figure out you need a book? It’s not like we’re babies – now those things are complicated. Most men are pretty easy.

Speaking of which – tip #1 for you playing at home: if you ever ask a man what his plans are and the first two words that come out of his mouth are “The guys,” you can pretty much ignore anything that comes after that. It isn’t important. Men, if you cannot name the activity you are going to do or the people you are going to do it with, not only is it not important, but what you’re saying is, in essence, “I’d rather do anything than be with you.” It may not be true, but that’s how it sounds.

Speaking of things that may not be true, Think Like a Man has a premise that sees all relationships as war between the sexes. Women were losing this war until “gender-traitor” Steve Harvey wrote a book giving away all the secrets of men and setting the stage for the action. What bugs me the most here is the premise seems rooted in a strange notion that men are difficult to figure out and, hence, a playbook is needed for playboys. It ain’t rocket science, ladies: we’re just like you only we want sex with much greater frequency. So much so that we often act on our desires for short-term sex at the expense of everything else in our lives, including long-term sex. It’s stupid, but it ain’t rocket science. All the rest is bull. Ask a man if he’d rather have sex with you than watch an “important” ballgame (and make it clear that this is a one-time offer, take it or leave it) and see what answer you get.

I’m generally against notions that man/woman relationships are wars to be won and lost. Let me put it this way – I’m no marriage counselor, but I know this: if you go into a relationship with the mindset that this is a battleground, you’ve already lost. Relationships are about two people figuring out how to be together, not figuring out who’s winning. Life holds enough battles by itself without sparring with your partner.

But the Frog Blog doesn’t double as marriage counselor, so I’ll stop. Think Like a Man is a relationship film. The players are conveniently labeled for our understanding, “The Mama’s Boy”, “The Workaholic”, “The Guy Afraid of Commitment,” etc. The action is even set up in fight-mode cue-cards, e.g. “The Single Mom vs. The Mama’s Boy.” It’s fair to say the stereotyping is over-the-top, but it’s a comedy – women will probably enjoy it, especially as most non-fictional men have within them elements of playboy, dreamer, commitment-phobe, etc.

The biggest problem with Think Like a Man is also its biggest strength: group mentality. The film is set up like a contest of wills between man-group and women-group. It is narrated by Kevin Hart in the style of a diffused ESPN highlight film. To paraphrase, “now the men were in trouble; let’s go to the film.” And then we get a collection of scenes where the women get the upper hand. In this way you’ve turned a date movie into a sporting contest. And whenever the fellas get together in full, it’s generally in the bar or on the basketball court. Congrats, you’ve figured how to get guys to relate to your date film. On the other hand, this makes the players darn near interchangeable. Sure, Zeke (Romany Malco) is hunky, Dominic (Michael Ealy) is smoky-handsome and Jeremy (Jerry Ferrara) is white, but you can just take the actors and swap their character labels; with the women, it’s even worse because the camera has allowed them little to do but scheme. Kristen (Gabrielle Union) is lovely, sure. So are Mya (Meagan Good) and Candace (Regina Hall).  Switch around their roles and I doubt anything makes a difference. Cedric (Hart), the soon-to-be-divorced guy, seemed the only character to exist beyond the dating scenarios. He’s also the one with the strongest personality, “Mike, how old is your mom? I’m not sayin’ it like that. (pause) I am.  I am.  It’s like that.” He’s like a court jester, reinforced by the fact that when the group plays basketball, he’s the most out-of-place. Plot–wise, that’s the guy I was most interested in following.

Think Like a Man isn’t exactly Casablanca, or even Hitch for that matter, but I’d see it thrice over before forcing The Lucky One again. Ugh.

Rated PG-13, 123 Minutes
D: Tim Story
W: Steve Harvey, Keith Merryman & David A. Newman
Genre: Dating bingo
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The lonely and clueless
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Roués who take advantage of the lonely and clueless