Is Men in Black the present medium for stoners? Does anyone know? You, Nowhere Man, yeah you, got an answer?
“Dude, that ‘flashy thing’ totally worked on me. I don’t remember what we were talking about.”
“Whaaaaaaa?”
Unfortunately, Men in Black films have a tendency to make everybody feel like a doper. Half the shots have CGI aliens in the background like that’s a normal thing; they generally are upbeat (Men in Black III is no exception) and fun, but I challenge you to recall the “plot” from any MiB offering. Thus, you leave the theater with a vacant smile on your face, memory wiped clean and replaced with fresh smelling laundry.
Men in Black III mostly represents the tragedy of raised expectations. How spoiled we have become as a movie-watching nation. If this were made anywhere outside of California, you’d call it a triumph of sight, sound and humor. As is, J (Will Smith) dropping off the Chrysler Building and landing in 1969 mostly has me saying, “oh yeah, Back to the Future II, is it?” When the feel good becomes blasé, maybe we should take note as a culture.
Do you think Will Smith ever gets tired of being Will Smith?
Lessee, I suppose there was a plot here; can I piece it together? Bad guy escapes Moon Prison, erases K (Tommy Lee Jones old, Josh Brolin young) in the past and J travels 
back in time to right wrongs. In the mean time, we meet a new favorite — a wonderfully amiable dimension-splitting alien (Michael Stuhlbarg) who can see through time and possibility. Of course that made me wonder: if you can be anywhere at any time, why would you go to an Andy Warhol party? And wouldn’t you choose the reality where the bad guy can’t abduct you? Oh, aliens. If they’re not poppin’ out of your chest or reliving the miracle Mets, I suppose you don’t have much of a movie.
Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement) is our one-armed bandit. With a bony face, menacing teeth, the ability to projectile pierce at will and a wicked accent, it’s actually quite shocking how much better a villain he is than Tom Hiddleston in The Avengers. Screw Loki; show me more of this badass. Watching him battle the French Prince for, I dunno, the right to rule Martinique or something, I truly wished he had been the one giving Iron Man fits last week.
Men in Black III seems like the kind of film in which the cast had an absolute ball. Do you think Bill Hader liked playing Andy Warhol? Of course he did. What about Josh Brolin doing a spot-on Tommy Lee Jones impression for half a film? Or Emma Thompson’s hilarious dead-pan alien eulogy (“paraphrased, of course”). I know many Emma Thompson fans and I urge them all to catch this film if only for that moment. Is it better than her Professor Trelawney? Yes. No question. And she looks better, too. Now, if I could only recall the rest of the film in greater detail. Wait, did I get flashy-thinged? Is that how they get you? Yeah, I’ll probably see it again and forget anew, emerging with a vacant smile.
Rated PG-13, 103 Minutes
D: Barry Sonnenfeld
W: Etan Cohen
Genre: Stoner fodder
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who live to critique theoretical minutiae of time travel.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Those who don’t enjoy Earth’s sense of humor.
