Superman is a man. Batman is a man. Spider-Man is a boy. This modern-age discrepancy kinda bugs me.
This is a reboot. Spider-Boy is reinvented all over again. Aunt May is now Sally Field. I suppose it makes sense that Spider-Boy’s aunt was a Flying Nun. Tobey Maguire, too often resembling an adult these days, is out as His Webness and in is Andrew Garfield, who has the distinct advantage of looking and acting like a teen age boy. Of course, the problem here is that we have a hero who looks and acts like a teen age boy.
Is Marc Webb not a great name for the director of The Amazing Spider-Man? Just wanted to say that.
So there’s Peter Parker, nerdy photographer, science-y kid. He sneaks into a genetics lab; he gets bitten by a super-spider; suddenly he’s part spider. The cool part-spider that is; not the part where he’d be ugly, reclusive and bloodthirsty. So he does have some awesome spidery powers – speed, strength, anticipation, wall-walking… costume design? I never get superhero costuming. Imbued with super spider powers, Peter Parker is a seamstress? Making a web isn’t quite like making a form-fitting athletic skin suit. Do you ever look at a spider’s egg sack and say, “ooooooooh” ? You’d think he’d accomplish clothing by simply wrapping one continuous thread around and around and around his body. Get a little dose of arachnid fever and suddenly he’s Oleg Cassini. I’m confused.
Spider-Boy’s foil here is Lizard, which is a shitty name for a foil. However, Lizard is played by the UK’s answer to Crispin Glover, Rhys Ifans. Rhys turns from one-armed mad doctor obsessed with limb regeneration into a two armed
mad lizard the size of Shaquille O’Neal. If you think about it, this might be the most down-to-earth role Rhys Ifans has had to date. Careful, Crazy, or you’ll end up spending your retirement days as a member of the Dashwood family.
I absolutely adored a scene in which new-to-his-powers Peter and Gwen (Emma Stone, a blond for the film?! And where’s Emmjay?) dance verbally around dating conversations in the hall. It’s like Twilight, except for the fact that the stammering and hesitance isn’t a bi-product of bad writing or bad acting. Here’s Peter, suddenly King of New York with powers cops envy; like all American boys, he knows exactly what to do with a bad guy, but has no idea how to ask a girl out. And just like American girls, Gwen knows exactly what to do to attract a boy, but has little idea what to do when the fly enters her own web. Ah, teenagers.
Two variations on the standard Spider-Man modus operandi struck me as marked improvements – First, his webbing isn’t natural. No longer does Spider-Boy secrete tensile rope emanating from his wrists (in what world does this make sense?); he manufactures his own and uses a built-in attachment. Of course, that by itself raises different questions – how does he control the flow? How does he make more? How does he know when he’s running out? Nobody should enter a Spider-Man film with a critical eye. The second is quite a lovely innovation. In engaging in predatory behavior, Spider-Boy hits the sewers, makes a web and hangs out. Well, why wouldn’t he? This is what spiders do. They wait and assume aggressive behavior on home turf; they don’t go searching for trouble. A human who has become part spider would almost certainly have issues with exercise and travel.
Spider-Boy, Spider-Boy/he is Emma Stone’s fav’rite toy
Can he stammer/in the hall?/As much as any/I can recall
Look out! Here skateboards Spider-Boy
Rated PG-13, 136 Minutes
D: Marc Webb
W: James Vanderbilt, Alvin Sargent and Steve Kloves
Genre: Money generation
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Wannabe superheroes
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Territorial cops
