“Why, it’s kids!”
“And they’re dancing!”
“I am moved.”
“Why yes. I am as well. In fact, this dancing makes me reconsider my position on waterfront development.”
Ah, dumb plots. What would I do without ‘em? This year’s big stupid 3D dance movie is Step Up Revolution, a film in which integrity is expressed through souped-up auto hydraulics and love means never having to do the electric slide.
Here, let me get the players out of the way as I expect never to read these names again in my lifetime: Ryan Guzman is Sean, local loser, er, waiter and Kathryn McCormick is Emily, daughter of money. Their meet-cute quickly becomes a Girls Gone Wild outtake. It’s hard to disagree, I suppose … there was South Florida beach, sand, music, hot teens and cameras, why not simulate sex?
Ryan is part of The Mob, a group desperately in need of attention and an accountant. The Mob carries out public performance art with the precision of a Navy SEALS assault. It’s actually a bit frightening when you see the jobs planned: elaborate maps, plants on the ground, electronic coverage – this reeks of a heist, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, they handle money issues with same acuity as Harbor seals (Phoca vitulina).
The Mob consists of about 20+ mostly out-of-work folks who really like to dance – so much so they dance where they haven’t been invited. I say out-of-work because the awesome coordination of routines can’t possibly be done as a hobby. Their goal is to be the first Youtube video to get 1 Million hits and thus earn a $100,000 prize. I’m sure that eyes light up when talking $100 grand in certain circles (almost $5,000 per person, oooooooh), but you guys really haven’t thought this through, have you? Your costume bill alone comes to several thousand bucks per routine. How about props? Electronics? Video equipment? Sound system? I figure if they win the money, they might be able to fund the Mob hobby (Mobby?) for half a year. Then, of course, you have to consider what it takes to get massive hits on Youtube … don’t people always choose something funny or something degrading over something cool? I think that’s pretty much rule of thumb. What gets more hits: Star Wars kid or cool stunts? At some point, you might question the legitimacy of the offer, too. This borders “Nigerian Prince” territory.
Somewhere after we introduce Peter Gallagher as developer/villain/father to Emily, the group decides their efforts need to channel towards protest. While I mock the plot in general, this particular focus seemed equally as unlikely to generate money as the Youtube one and it beats the Hell out of the standard You Got Served immaturity.
If you can get past the ungodly amount of energy wasted on unsolicited performance art, Step Up Revolution had a number of cool dance routines. I especially enjoyed one in a museum in which the performers disguised as modern art came to life. Another quality effort focused on the lobby of an office building with our heroes dressed as businessman in order to protest … businessmen.
Truth be told, these guys are a ton better than the 99%ers. While their message remains equally as muddled and confused, they’re cleaner, sharper, prettier and have mild entertainment value. They can also fail to give a coherent message in a fraction of the time. I picture Gandhi watching Step Up Revolution and saying, “screw these passive sit-ins and hunger strikes! Get my dancing shoes; we’ll solve these problems in five minutes.” Maybe he could be on the front lines in his sandals holding a sign saying, “Moonwalk for peace.” Dare to dream, Mahatma.
Sexy slackers fight The Man
Quixotic tactics are the plan.
Kids put aside their petty romance;
“There’s injustice out there … let’s dance!”
Rated PG-13, 99 Minutes
D: Scott Speer
W: Duane Adler, Amanda Brody
Genre: Hobbies for World Peace
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Protesters looking to take their game up a level
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The 1%
