Lessee, there’s Ben Stiller as Evan, Vince Vaughn as Bob, Jonah Hill as Franklin, and Richard Ayoade as Jamarcus. One of these things is not like the other ♫ Which of these things does not belong? ♪ Seriously, UK folks: Who is Richard Ayoade and why should I know him? I looked him up and I still don’t the answers.
Costco manager Evan is an overactive community icon to compensate for his inability to connect with humans and his personal impotence. Funny how art imitates life, huh Ben Stiller? You know, if you made funnier movies, most of us wouldn’t take cheap shots. After a brutal murder claims the Costco night watchman, Evan takes personally his lack of relationship with the victim and begins The Watch, a neighborhood group intent on solving the crime. Unfortunately, all he attracts with his offer of giving up your free time is Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Richard Ayoade. Evan is overjoyed at Jamarcus, who fulfills several quotas, including the “guy who just might be funny on his own” standard unmet by the other three. He isn’t.
Here’s your personal Watch test: in coming to the rescue of a watchman, Evan brains an alien with a ceramic pot; yes, there are aliens and human-skin wearing; it’s very Body Snatcher-ish; here’s the test – you see a bunch
of suburban Americans with a dead alien. What do you expect them to do? If you cross your fingers in the hopes that they take the alien home and take pictures posing (him) in degrading positions, well, my friend, The Watch was made for you. Not only that, it was ONLY made for you, so freaking see it now so you’ll have something to share with your set of identically thinking friends.
I see Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn as the Abbott and Costello of our generation … different demeanors … different body types … work together a lot … neither is especially funny once you reach a certain age … perhaps I’m chating A&C of their place in history by comparison … I dunno; if I said, “hey it’s a film with Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller battling disguised aliens,” would that do anything for you? How about if I said, “hey, it’s Abbott and Costello battling aliens.” No, me neither. And yet, at least it wasn’t Adam Sandler again.
You want to know what I actually think? This is precisely the kind of idiot plot in which I would welcome Madea. After seeing a dozen films of Tyler Perry‘s alter ego slapping around children and doling out suspect advice, I want to see Madea in a cage match with a human-skin wearin’ alien. Loser has to leave Earth forever.
Unclear is the objective within The Watch,
Aliens? Nessie? Or is it Sasquatch?
A plot that doesn’t make much sense?
It doesn’t VinceStill any confidence
Rated R, 101 Minutes
D: Akiva Schaffer
W: Jared Stern, Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg
Genre: Alien hijinks
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: You mean you aren’t sick of Stiller/Vaughn?
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: What do you mean you’re sick of Stiller/Vaughn?
