Now, and I want to make this very, very clear, there are certain categories of activity that necessarily put you in the “bad guy” range. Among them are rape, torture, arson, kidnapping … there are more, but I’ll stop there. You can justify until cows sing, “Oops, I did it again,” but engaging in any of these activities, no matter how noble the reason, makes you a bad guy. Don’t try selling me otherwise. I’m not buying. Jack Bauer doesn’t actually exist.
The Cold Light of Day begins when Will (Henry Cavill) shows up in Spain without his bags and to double his displeasure, dad (Bruce Willis) shows up instead of mom. I don’t know how I’d do if Bruce Willis were my dad. My guess is I’d have a similar reaction. He 
makes a great rooting interest on screen, but as your dad? Scout, babe, I feel for ya. Anyhoo, it’s time for the annual fam yachting getaway. Yay. Will shows up harried and never stops. When he shirks his yachting duties — wait a minute, really? We’re supposed to root for a guy who grew up with yachts, really? OK, when he shirks yacht duty, Bruno, er, I mean “Martin” throws Will’s cell phone in the drink. Peeved Will gets even more peeved. Yes this is the guy we’re supposed to root for, and he goes into town to get a new one.
When he returns, everybody’s gone. Ooooooooooh. No, seriously. That’s actually a pretty good premise. It’s a shame there wasn’t much on the back end. And it’s also a shame we lose Bruno about 10 minutes later, because this tale seriously needed a hero worth our attention span. That leaves us with Will. Thanks, movie.
Eventually, Sigourney Weaver shows up and later on we’re told that one of the crimes mentioned above has been done in the name of the greater good. Neither of these things made me smile. Nor did the endless car chase climax. Hmmmm, I went easy on The Cold Light of Day. This particular day is better viewed in an eclipse.
It starts not so well, luggage left on the plane
When returning to the boat, his ‘rents do not remain
The lackluster mystery inspires this refrain:
The screenplay in Spain goes mainly down the drain.
Rated PG-13, 93 Minutes
D: Mabrouk El Mechri
W: Scott Wiper, John Petro
Genre: Wha’ happen’?
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Friends and family of Henry Cavill
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Bruce Willis fans
