Tim Burton strikes again. I don’t quite know how he managed to make Frankenweenie without Johnny Depp or Helena Bonham Carter … clearly the greats can do it even without the full bag of tricks. I mean, look at how far he veered from his comfort zone: why there’s no Danny Elfman outcast undead creepy stuff animated stick figures white face paint. Yes, white face paint. There is certainly no white face paint. How does Burton do it?
Victor Frankenstein (voice of Charlie Tahan) is j- wait a sec- His name is actually ‘Victor Frankenstein’? Well, that’s your problem right there. Who else is going to create Frankenstein’s monster? Lindsay Lohan? John Frankenheimer? I don’t think so. In spite of destiny, Victor Frankenstein is just a normal book-wormy kid who loves his dog. Oh, and a disturbing science teacher (Martin Landau). His parents (Catherine O’Hara and Martin Short), like most screen parents, want to push normalcy and encourage sports over books. Now get this — Victor is playing presumably his first baseball game ever and clubs the third pitch he sees over the center field fence. A chain reaction leads to the death of his dog Sparky, which is where the movie goes … but does nobody stop to think about a kid who homers in his first AB ever? Seriously? Nobody?
Anyway, thanks to Professor Creepy, young Vic trades his baseball cleats for mad science and hoists his wired-up deceased pet into a thunderstorm 
and voila! It’s alive! The science here is childishly simplistic to the point of embarrassment — really, you just stick a screw in dead tissue, run a 9 volt and life happens? God must be so embarrassed … I mean, I bet He/She works pretty darn hard. I bet playing God isn’t really all that much play for the Almighty. But that’s just a guess.
I love how this leads into a following scene in which Sparky looks run down. Victor gets the idea, “Hey, just plug him into a wall!” Check that list, kid: “Hmmm, lessee, did the dishes, fed the cat, did I charge the dog?” At that rate, maybe Sparky should come with a USB port. Maybe you could download a frisbee catching app while you’re rebooting him.
When you actually stop to think, there’s no shortage of the disturbing in this film. Entertaining, or mostly meh, you have a bunch of kids playing God. Victor even hides reborn Sparky from his parents. Why? Isn’t he proud of creating life? Kind of implies Vic knows what he’s doing crosses ethical bounds, but didn’t stop. Hardly the point, I know. I also loved a wonderful Bambi v. Godzilla moment late in a very beautifully shot film. Oh, it’s very pretty black and white. And dread all over.
A crash!
A smash!
Poor Sparky has come to his end.
A storm!
Not norm!
Young Frank has science to tend.
A bolt!
A jolt!
Suddenly it’s man’s new best friend.
A spy!
A cry!
Here’s plenty more dead to defend.
A bore!
A snore!
I’m done with this Tim Burton trend.
Rated PG, 87 Minutes
D: Tim Burton
W: John August, Tim Burton, Leonard Ripps
Genre: Tim Burton
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Undead Mary Shelley
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Undead cat lovers
