Have you ever sat down and stared at the sidewalk, waiting for it to crack? No, of course not. You know it will happen eventually, but who would wait for it? Well, we have now come to the point in history in which you can actually wait and watch geology happening. Icebergs that would have taken centuries to create now happen in a matter of weeks, hours. In our lifetime, Greenland may actually be green.
(Pssst. That’s not good news.)
So there’s this guy, James Balog, who has terrible knees. Naturally, he spends 90% of his life hiking glaciers. After noticing some curious changes — glaciers change? — he decided it was time for northern ice to stow the humble, shy routine and start bringing the heat. He started placing time-lapse cameras all over ice regions and *poof* a documentary is born. Most of the documentary is about setting up the camera system. Ho-hum. Let’s face it; this isn’t exactly Hamlet. You’re here for the cinematography. The payoff is suitably awesome and horrific. Sit back and watch the creation of an iceberg the size of lower Manhattan. Glaciers do move and many of these ancient titans will disappear in our lifetime. “Glacier-less National Park,” Balog jokes in between 
knee surgeries.
Glacier melting is kind of the smoking gun for Global Warming. Glaciers don’t melt in a human lifetime. Glaciers don’t calf while you wait. You don’t buy tickets for geologic events. Or you couldn’t for millions of years until now. Those “don’t”s are actually all “shouldn’t”s. The disputers of Global Warming and the causes of such have been whittled down to those with their heads firmly planted up their own asses — in fairness, Global Warming probably isn’t occurring in these localized regions. The underlying theme of Chasing Ice is that influential detractors should have known better or at least been a little less cavalier when throwing around the lies as if there were no consequences for the price of the Orwellian double-speak.
The biggest problem with Chasing Ice is that it’s too-little too-late. The damage has been done and there’s pretty much nothing that can reverse it. My understanding on the subject is that even if all 7+ billion current humans decided that cave-life was the new vogue, the ice caps will still melt. We have passed a point of no return. And, Hell yes, we created it. So in the end, this film is for exactly one type of person – the guy who wants to shove it down the throat of conservative assholes that their collective stance on global warming being a myth was irresponsible and malicious. Sure, I can get behind this point of view. Amazing how the same group who loves, nay, needs being at the forefront of technological weaponry promotes the 4,000 year-old earth theory as fact. It’s selective science. We only care about getting it right when it comes to bullying. Is it worth investing movie-money and years of quality science just to be able to say: “Nyah, nyah. Bill O’Reilly is a giant d-bag. Nana nana boo boo”? Yes and no.
♪Ice ice baby
Ice ice baby
All right stop
Undulate and calving
Ice a’ melt is the new way of halving
Glaciers disappear day and nightly
Making fools of all who think Right-ly
Will it ever stop?
Yo, um, er, no.
A stiff wind and that rock will blow
Global warming, a topic to handle
Cover it all up. That’s quite the scandal
Truth♫
Word to your neocon.
Rated PG-13, 74 Minutes
W: Mark Monroe
Genre: The end is near!
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: “You just we are like ‘Global Warming is a hoax’ and ‘Global Warming is a left wing conspiracy’ but oh, snap!”
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: FOX News
