Oh goody, more Taken syndrome in which an American abroad is justified in any action he takes because his child is in trouble. This includes homicide, grand theft whatever, destruction of property, pederasty, mopery, pan handling and any sort of local legal violation. Screw the Russkies! They have it coming for all that Cold War crap they put us through.
In the full length Fox News ad Live Free or Die Hard, you might remember, we reintroduced John McClane’s full-grown daughter. As that proved a great success, in this version A Good Day to Die Hard, we’ve reintroduced John McClane’s full-grown son, a grade-A jerk. And a pretty dull one at that. Jack (Jai Courtney) is on trial in Russia and daddy Bruno decides to come say, “hi. Are they treating you well? What’s Russian prison-rape like?” Turns out Jack is not a bad seed, but actually a CIA operative, which is great because otherwise the plot wouldn’t made any sense. Oh, it doesn’t anyway. See, the CIA needs this bad guy Komarov (Sebastian Koch) and has apparently decided the best way to get him is to get Jack arrested so the two can be in chains together when Komarov’s Russian pals/opposition (not sure 
which exactly) blow up the courtroom. It’s best if you don’t think about the myriad questions that come to mind. Bottom line is Mr. Die Hard gets involved when he sees li’l Die Hard in trouble and before you know it, military transports are crashing through bridge railings and using traffic jams as roadways. Personally, I can’t wait to visit Europe with my daughter this summer.
After a series of ugly father-son moments punctuated by gunfire, we all end up at Chernobyl, which I discovered this past week is Russian for “Crystal Skull.” I loved this part – the McClane boys enter the reactor unprotected, but it’s OK because thirty seconds earlier some Hazmat suited Russky took a magic garden hose to the place and now it’s radiation free! Now why didn’t they think of that in the 1980s?
It’s a shame when franchises sour like Christmas egg nog in February, but this one has. I’m content with my idea of John McClane. I’m content knowing that Die Hard gave the world Bruce Willis; leave it alone now; don’t make Die Hard take him away from us as well.
Once John McClane went to Russia
To help his boy out of a crush-a
Adventure most stark
What’s Russian for “jumped shark?”
This franchise has now turned to mush-a
Rated R, 97 Minutes
D: John Moore
W: Skip Woods (and go to the beach!)
Genre: Once too often to the well
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Michael Bay
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who can remember Die Hards 1 through 4
