I suppose if you’re gonna buy into the backwoods redneck South, you probably also buy into the hospitable good-boy South, which also doesn’t really exist. This is the version of the sub Mason-Dixon in which all folks are hospitable, open, trusting and generous to a fault. Wait. Let me backup. It’s not that this version doesn’t exist – I simply say it’s equally in the realm of reality as the South in which Deliverance happens twice daily – come for the matinee, stay for dessert! It’s nice to believe in the hospitable version of the South because it keeps the romance of Nicholas Sparks alive forever and ever. *sigh*
Safe Haven opens with Katie (Julianne Hough) just eluding detective Tierney (David Lyons) at a bus terminal in Boston. Boston? Are you kidding me? First off, where are the wicked accents? C’mon, man, do your research. More importantly though, try finding ANY Boston police department in which a missing person is more important than discussing Tom Brady. Well, I didn’t buy it. But I didn’t buy much of this film. Luckily, we lose this subplot for a while for Katie to find herself in South Port where she manages to carve out a pretty good life for herself with a job, a house, clothes and friends in a manner of twenty-four hours. Life is rough of course because Katie has a past. A past she must forget. And once forgotten, it must never be resurrected. And once it has been buried forever … oh you get the point. This is the second movie in a row in 
which Julianne Hough has landed herself smack dab in a foreign town and acquired employment, a life and a place to live within 24 hours. Key to milking a typecast is finding a repetitive theme. Good for you, Julianne – and, FWIW, you look much better in shorter hair.
Safe Haven is fairy tale level hardship – I mean, you know that, right? Look at the elements: Katie brings nothing but herself to South Port, spends a night or two on the bus, a night on the beach and yet she still has perfect hair. And it is amazing how she travels with no luggage, but has an endless array of cutesy tank tops and short-shorts. She finds both a job and a home within a few hours of landing – the pull of the mundane fantasy is so strong, isn’t it? Nobody believes a job or a home should be so hard to find, so … it isn’t. Yeah, try selling that in public, pal. You gave somebody a job and a cabin without even confirming her name? Really? What country is it you’re describing, because it isn’t the United States. This is, of course, where the love interest comes in: widower Alex (Josh Duhamel) runs the local grocery bait shop. Oh look, he’s a nice guy, a family man and a looker. What’s the casting story here? Do we not yet buy Mark Ruffalo as a father?
Widower is the ultimate fantasy catch — see, it’s a guy who doesn’t suck at love, nor is he a novice. He’s perfectly normal … and wounded! Only YOU can mend his broken heart. Awwwww. I wonder what’s going to happen? It should probably be mentioned here that my wife and had our first date at Lasse Hallström‘s My Life as a Dog many, many moons ago. There are worse directors to fall in love to. Much, much worse.
Katie had to flee the city
Her life had become almost gritty
No job, no house
But don’t you grouse
Everyone’s a friend when you’re pretty
Rated PG-13, 115 Minutes
D: Lasse Hallström
W: Leslie Bohem & Dana Stevens
Genre: Fantasy you could somebody into believing was real
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: (Level IV) Suckers for romance
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Reluctant teen boys
