And the WORST films of 2012 are…
DISHONORABLE MENTION
Now don’t be upset, you clearly sucked, just not quite as much as you could have.
Project X
Hurray to be young, full of life and a callous prick.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Three women go into labor at a hospital at the same time and not one wants the epidural. Really? When you make a film that deliberately attacks a certain demographic, you might just want to do some research into that demographic.
Paranomal Activity 4
With the end of Twilight, Paranormal moves to #2 on the “franchise must die” list. (Transformers)
The Raven
Not what I’m cravin’
Red Dawn
Get off my lawn.
The Devil Inside
“This must end,” I cried.
One for the Money
Not at all funny
Intruders
Deluders
Playing for Keeps
Making me sleeps
The Eye of the Storm
Well below norm
THE BOTTOM 10
10. The Master
2012’s Tree of Life. I am beguiled by the Academy’s fascination with Joaquin Phoenix. When I discover his name in the opening credits, I get a little depressed.
9. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
Thank the Mormon God this is over.
8. Adam Sandler — That’s My Boy, Hotel Transylvania
I keep wondering if I’d enjoy Adam Sandler if I were, say, six. Truth be told, I thought most of Billy Madison sucked ass so I’m clearly not the target audience. But Billy Madison was Casablanca compared to the stuff he puts out these days.
7. A Thousand Words
Greatest waste of a premise in 2012 – Eddie Murphy has 1,000 words left to speak before he dies. You would think, bare minimum, that A Thousand Words would yield at least one memorable quote, no?
6. Tyler Perry – Madea’s Witness Protection, Alex Cross, Good Deeds
Tyler Perry owns a permanent spot on my annual bottom-10 list. Let’s just move on.
5. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Before seeing this film again, I’d rather take dictation at an “Inside the Actors Studio” featuring an extended interview with Nicolas Cage.
4. The Three Stooges
I rather take a nail gun to the palm and then rip out all my chest hair with the injured hand.
3. The Collection
Ok, ok, before I’d see this film again, I’d amass an entire shelf of Hummel figurines and proudly display them in front of my ice hockey team.
2. Dredd
I’d rather see Stallone‘s Judge Dredd three times over.
1. Battleship
I’d rather have seen two kids play a marathon session of the board game.
Surprise! Joyless, stupid and a poor man’s Pearl Harbor, Battleship had to overcome three separate zero-star films to claim this title. There is now a special place in Hell reserved just for you, Taylor Kitsch.
