For about an hour, I thought I was watching an anti-drug film. It’s probably “high time” we had one. :rimshot: I’m not here to tell you we should legalize heroin or anything, but the harsh dividing line between “prescription drugs good” and “recreational drugs bad” has always seemed fairly arbitrary to me. All the same, I’m glad Side Effects didn’t go there necessarily. I’m not a big fan of unannounced diatribes. Delivering? Oh yes, I love that. Receiving? Oh, Hell no. Now order me up some more of that Hypocrisax, stat!
Emily (Rooney Mara) is welcoming home hubby Martin (Channing Tatum), who has been at safety prison (Saaaaaaafe-teee prison! Saaaaaaafe-teeee prison!) for insider trading. He comes home and says something like, “this guy I met in prison …” I would venture to guess that not a 
single good idea has ever been spawned from that clause. The next day, Emily drives her car into a wall. She doesn’t bother braking. –now, I’m not saying anything here, but if you don’t want Channing Tatum as your husband, I can only suggest about a billion women who do — naturally, a psychologist, Dr. Jonathan Banks (Jude Law), shows up at the hospital and for the next hour, Side Effects is exactly about … side effects. Can an anti-depressant make you into a serial murderer? Let’s find out. They really ought to say that in a Cialis commercial – “side effects include bloating, hearing loss, homicide and dry mouth.”
After Martin’s death, the film changes dramatically, of course, and you get to play, “am I smarter than the screen writer?” which is often a fun game. Side Effects is just choc’ full o’ folks that I don’t love, but respect: Steven Soderbergh, Rooney Mara, Jude Law, Catherin Zet – wait a sec there, I neither love nor respect Catherine Zeta-Jones. Side Effects required CZJ to show up as Dr. Victoria Siebert, so Jude Law can have somebody to fight.
I never dislike a Steven Soderbergh film, but I never really seem to like one, either. And none of them stay with me for more than a half-hour or so afterwards. What can I say? It’s a side effect.
A girl reacquiring her prince
Takes action that might make one wince
“It’s the pills!” she corrects
“Viagra and xanex.”
The smoking gun? Let’s check the prints
Rated R, 106 Minutes
D: Steven Soderbergh
W: Scott Z. Burns
Genre: Guess the truth
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The throng of selfless wronged psychologists
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Their evil patients … and colleagues … and drug reps … and advisory boards … and families
