If Iron Man were real– Wait, hear me out. If Iron Man were real, would you trust him? If there were some sort of nuclear threat, would say to yourself, “aw, don’t worry about it; Iron Man’s got it under control?” If your fate rested in that preening, fantastical, anxiety-ridden genius after you saw him, say, drunk at a party, would you sleep better? I wouldn’t either.
And this is what I LOVE about the Iron Man franchise. Most super heroes have worked out their personality issues long before film #3, but Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is such a marvelous collection of vice that you could fit in at least 11 or 12 more Iron Men on his personality flaws alone. We’ll be exploring Tony’s vices and hang-ups long after he hangs it up. Tony Stark remains and will remain the guy your wife dreams about leaving you for … just so he can treat her like cattle. And you love him for it. Sort of. And so would she. Sort of.
This time around, Tony is monogamous. Snicker. Almost said that with a straight face. Of course, the opening is a flashback, so even as Sir Suit is committed to his majorette domo Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), pre-Suit can still score with Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall). That’s a neat trick, huh? Gee, I wish my life could be told in flashbacks … you now what? I’m not gonna pursue that thought. The key to the flashback isn’t really Maya, but goofy nerd Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce). Aldrich lives out a fantasy in Iron Man 3, turning a snub into a stepping stone for achievement and power. Life really ought to work that way, ought it not? All wrongful snubs should be compensated. Definitely. What’s the Susie Derkins line? Oh yeah … “as long I’m dreaming, I’d like a pony.”
Ponies aside, Iron Man has more problems than Aldrich. The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) is terrorizing and taunting with the regularity of a Swiss timepiece. Hey, you’re the guys who made an Osama bin Laden knockoff with a Chinese signature; I don’t have any problem playing the round-the-world metaphor game here. After Happy Hogan (not-director Jon Favreau) is hospitalized, Tony goes on the offensive, issuing a public vendetta. I don’t think Tony has a great deal of evidence proving Mandarin is behind the attack on Happy, but since when has a high-profile American figure needed proof to call out a target of choice on camera? In the very next scene, Tony’s home is attacked in hi-def slo-motion. And this is why you see movies in 3D.
With his house blown to shreds and Tony unconsciously transported to rurbanal Tennessee (don’t ask), we set up the man of infinite wealth, imagination and power as a normal human down to only one of those features — it makes for a much more interesting story when Tony can’t rely on the supersuit. Also interesting-but-bordering on “did you run out of ideas?” is when he uses an 11-year-old as both physical and emotional crutch. The twist of Tony, normal guy, having to rely on his brain-power alone to save humanity (Really? Does the threat always have to be this large? Are we not 
gonna take it seriously if the President isn’t involved? *sigh*) makes the movie. To be honest, I don’t give a Mandarin orange what Iron Man does rested, ready and in full battle gear. Vulnerable, piecemeal Iron Man? Yes. That piques my curiosity.
Iron Man 3 has at least one fabulous action sequence involving a mid-air, multi-person rescue. It also has a lot of fun with the concept of remote control Iron Man and a fair amount of humor as well. During a firefight, one henchman gives in with a, “Don’t shoot! Seriously, I don’t even like working here. They are so weird!” But perhaps the funniest bit was presenting Tony as monogamous. Oh, you guys, bahahahaha.
A villain who burns hot as a flame
Was lookin’ for Tony to blame
Be careful, old boor
Of what you wish for
His temperament is never the same
Rated PG-13, 130 Minutes
D: Shane Black
W: Drew Pearce & Shane Black
Genre: Somewhere between hero and anti-hero
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Those who felt ripped off by the too brief dénouement in Iron Man 2.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Those who have a problem with being defended by a psychological mess.
