This is what happens when men of action are unencumbered by rational thought. The result can be fantastic, like a successful moon launch, or horrific, like the Holocaust, or in this case, inspiring, like inoffensive scientific discovery. Kon-Tiki is the story of six men drifting from South America to Polynesia to prove a point. That’s 5,000 miles, by the way, the distance from Moscow to Chicago. We may never get just how big the Pacific is, but let’s just say it’s a miracle Forrest Gump isn’t still stuck on that island with his pet volleyball.
In 1947, a Norweigian traveler by the name of Thor Heyerdahl (Pål Sverre Hagen) tried to publish his theory that Polynesia was settled by native South Americans. This was not what conventional scientific wisdom held. Asia is closer to Polynesia, of course, and it makes no sense that 5th Century man would brave the Pacific for kicks. You gotta be seriously bored … or a serious flop with the chicks. Speaking of which, did 5th Century man bring some 
chicks with him? He must have. Polynesia ain’t exactly empty. That must have been a fun boat ride:
“I’m sorry. Why have we been on a raft for three months again?”
“Because, honey, I really wanted to see how big the ocean was. I’m not impressed yet.”
“We should stop and ask for directions.”
“Do you see a gas station anywhere near here?”
Perhaps in the 5th Century, the conversations might have gone a bit differently. You get the idea.
Anyway, Thor (Pål is the smallest “Thor” I’ve ever seen, btw) lived in Polynesia for a decade. He knows what the natives told him. It’s publishin’ time. “That ain’t happenin’ “ say the National Geographic folks. So Thor gets the bright idea to prove it can be done – he goes to Peru, collects the material for a 5th Century luxury liner and a bunch o’ Scandinavians to go with him. You guys know you’re deliberately putting yourselves on a raft in the Pacific Ocean, right? The biggest problem with Kon-Tiki, quite honestly, is that when Norwegians start growing beards (a consequence of extensive raft travel), I honestly cannot tell them apart. They really do all look alike to me. And that’s essentially your movie: six men on a raft sailing into the setting sun … for months.
Six men, one raft, 100+ days. Can you imagine the smell? :shudder:
There is a shark attack. No tiger on a lifeboat, but several sharks. And every scene for the first 90 minutes has an overtone of “you don’t really know what you’re doing, do you?” which is a legitimate complaint as Thor Heyerdahl can’t swim. You might want to read that part again. The guy who set out to prove one could raft from Peru to Polynesia can’t swim. That’s just perfect. This is for all those who both said, “it couldn’t be done” and “it shouldn’t be done.” Do you think the ancient Incans had floaties?
Rub a dub dub
Six men in a tub
A bunch o’ Norse and a Swede
Floating for days
In Pacific haze
And where do you s’pose they peed?
For men of brain
This plan insane
It certainly wasn’t about greed
Rated PG-13, 118 Minutes
D: Joachim Rønning, Espen Sandberg
W: Petter Skavlan
Genre: Manly men of menly manly mannishness
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The easily inspired
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The sensible
