Do you suppose Michael Shannon gets the willies when he looks at himself in the mirror every morning? He’s pretty much perfect here as Richard Kuklinski, a man who spent two full decades both killing folks and raising a family. Nobody does creepy quite like Michael Shannon. You gotta love a director who looked at this modern day Frankenstein and said, “I see a soul.” Ariel Vromen, I applaud you. For the vision. For the film … I semi-applaud you. What’s the sound of one hand clapping? That.
When the recession hits, it really does impact everybody, don’t it? Richard Kuklinski killed people for decades, but never really found trouble until he had to freelance when laid off. Aren’t you just a little bit scared when you lay off a professional hitman? That’s gotta take some brass balls. But I’m getting ahead of myself. First, we have to make Richie a killer. We catch him playing pool with friends. It’s the 60s and far as we know, he hasn’t killed anybody yet; he’s just had awkward dates with Deb (Winona Ryder). Showing some hustlin’ skills, Richie embarrasses Mr. Not-long-for-this-film, who in turn verbally abuses our “hero,” specifically about his woman. The next part is fascinating – we know Richie is going to react, and react strongly. When he does, however, he doesn’t speak a word. We’re not even sure the victim knows the assailant. Richie reaches into a car and slits the driver’s throat. That’s it. No counter. No “this is what you get.” The penalty for insulting Deb was death, plain and simple, without complication or explanation. The slit-ee was not on a need-to-know.
Mobster Roy Demeo (Ray Liotta) finds Richie over-dubbing porn films in a warehouse. Turns out, Roy needs some new talent. His current heavy is David Schwimmer. Picture that one a sec. Yes, Ross from “Friends” as your Mob muscle. On a premise of “you screwed up,” Roy sequesters Richie and pulls a gun. Staring potential death in the eye, Richie doesn’t flinch. It’s kinda spooky. Within two minutes of screentime, Richie –at Roy’s request- takes the gun and shoots a previously unknown vagrant. Richie is The Iceman, an entity completely lacking in fear or empathy.
Get this — Richard is a great family man, too. Who says we can’t have it all? This is the truly bizarre part of The Iceman. Richie doesn’t ever get rattled until there’s a threat to his wife or girls. Here’s a man who can put a bullet in the head of a friend or colleague at the drop of a hat, but treats a man rude to his wife as a blood feud. And Deb is a piece of work, too. She has no idea he’s a hitman. None. Gotta love the naïveté on this woman. I can almost buy that she believes the Disney porn-overdubbing tale. Sure, it’s New Jersey. Sure, he fits the Disney image like plaid goes with polka dots. But when you fall in love, you’re apt to see and believe all sorts of lies. But over twenty+ years of marriage, she honestly doesn’t know her fella is a killer? She’s never seen how he reacts to not-her? She’s never noticed odd weapons around the house, his 
boss, his co-workers, his very peculiar banking hours or questioned why he doesn’t know jack about finance or banking or the stock market or whatever fool profession he’s invented. Really?
Complementing the Schwimmer casting is another quality role for Chris Evans as Mr. Freezy, a hitter who works out of a Good Humor truck. He keeps the dead bodies in the freezer. It’s not explained if it’s the same freezer used to hold the ice cream he sells to children. Both quietly and Captainly, Evans has started putting together a decent résumé – he is currently as far removed from Johnny Storm as Tom Cruise in The Color of Money is removed from Tom Cruise in Born on the Fourth of July. Careful, Chris, one day somebody might mistake you for an actor.
Take care, Kuklinski, you oughtta
To avoid the cops who sought-a
Murderer so long
Did one thing wrong
Next time, first kill Liotta
Rated R, 106 Minutes
D: Ariel Vromen
W: Morgan Land (my favorite fake European country), Ariel Vromen
Genre: Killin’
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Killers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Folks against th’ killin’
