This part is interesting – Lois Lane (Amy Adams) actually discovers Superman (Henry Cavill). She even names him, if I paid attention correctly (which it’s possible I did not). Lois found some anomalies demonstrating superhuman abilities in the heartland and did what investigative reporters do. Er, used to do. This represents one of life’s greater ironies: In our age we’ve seen investigative reporting itself effectively disintegrate in favor of partisan cheerleading, yet at the same time Lois Lane has suddenly lost her decades-long naïveté and realizes that, glasses or no, Clark Kent and Superman are the same guy.
And thus ends my cheerleading.
In Man of Steel, we retell the first two Christopher Reeve supertales, from the child’s infancy and the destruction of Krypton and flight to Earth, to his epic battle with a guy who still holds a family grudge. The Reeve stories are better in almost every way. Most of this is due to Reeve’s charm, which is completely lost on the more somber Cavill, but that’s being kind. Right now, I couldn’t pick Henry Cavill out of a line-up. The whole of his performance as the young Superman can be summed thusly: “hey, that’s not Brandon Routh.” At this point, I’d almost prefer Zac Efron in the role just to see if a singing Superman leaves an impression.
The story is simple enough – Krypton is dying when the guy destined to be Superman is born. Big Daddy Jor-El (Russell Crowe) sends him away, so he can die alone on the other side of the universe as the last of his species. Seems kinda horrible when you think about it. Kryptonians have mastered imprinting the DNA of living organisms, but haven’t yet figured out their planet is going to implode. Figure that one out. Shame, because Krypton is pretty cool planet. Nice curves. On Earth, Superboy has Kevin Costner for a step-dad, but still manages a relationship with long 
deceased Crowe, which is a pretty neat trick. You want to mock, but the scenes with Crowe and Costner are the best in the film. The actual development of Kal-El into Superman on his own? It’s mostly just waiting to see how he’ll use his special powers. At some point, Jor-El’s Kryptonian nemesis, General Zod (Michael Shannon) shows up and there’s a cornucopia of special effects and meaningless violence.
Man of Steel represents the scourge of our age – the cinematography is first-rate, the effects are flawless, the script is penned by a genius (Christopher Nolan), the film is directed by a guy who knows a thing or two about directing action (Zack Snyder), and yet … there’s only so many times I can see a guy get thrown through a building before I nod off. I want to say, “don’t miss a second of this exciting spectacle!” Truth is, however, if you miss any stunt during the two-and-a-half hours of play time, just wait 15 to 20 seconds more, you’ll get the same damn thing. General Zod must throw Superman through a pane of glass roughly 60 times in Man of Steel. It’s really fun the first 20 times. Sort of. The battles are all wars off attrition. I never get the idea that one man is really hurting the other. At some point, however, the one in pain is me. I didn’t dislike Man of Steel, but there’s zero part of me that wants this franchise to continue.
♪I can stand to lie
I don’t want any grief
Men weren’t meant to stare
At a screen in disbelief
It’s more than a turd
It’s more than a shame
More than Tyler Perry’s House of Payne
But it’s not easy to love
Unconditionally♫
Rated PG-13, 143 Minutes
D: Zack Snyder
W: David S. Goyer, Christopher Nolan
Genre: Birth of a superhero
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: This dude I know who is really into Superman
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Christopher Reeve purists
♪Parody inspired by “Superman”
