As long as we’re stuck with Nicolas Cage making films, it is too much to ask that he go back to making good ones? Stolen is an appropriate title for a film without a single original thought or motivation. Will (Cage) is a world-class safecracker. He warms for every gig by listening to CCR, which is nothing like how he warms to biking stunts in Ghost Rider by listening to the Carpenters. During a spoiled heist, he gets caught while saving an innocent from the wrath of Vincent (Josh Lucas) and gets sent to jail for eight years, leaving a daughter behind, which is nothing like the plot of Con Air. When he gets out, Vincent kidnaps daughter for the heist money under Will’s control. As he doesn’t have the money, Will has to do a bunch of illegal crap to save a loved family member. What was that: Gone in Sixty Seconds? Face/Off? Con Air again? It doesn’t matter.
Bottom line — out of control Nicolas Cage running around New Orleans making questionable decisions and leaving a wake of havoc which you might remember from The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans.
Once upon a time, I couldn’t tell Josh Lucas from Matthew McConaughey. That was a while ago. With the scruffy look, 70s drug dealer shades and terrible locks in Stolen, now Josh seems to be 
channeling the worst of Bradley Cooper. I suppose he’d better channel somebody of actual talent, because when I see and recognize Josh, all I think about is changing channels.
Stolen is the kind of film in which Nicolas Cage carjacks a taxi, forces the driver to passenger side, forces him to look up information at gunpoint all while speeding down the street — driving on sidewalks, going directly against legally moving traffic, knocking over fruit stands and garbage cans … oh, did I mention? One of the things taxi driver is looking up is where they’re going. You might wish to ponder that one a second. I sure did. You’re driving recklessly without knowing which way to go. That’s terrific, writer, producer, director, FYNC. What’s the thought here? “I don’t know where to go, but it’s really important I make great time?” Did you think we wouldn’t notice? Just add some chase music, pretend the motivation of kidnapped daughter accounts for all irrational decisions and … there ya go?
Since there’s nothing original is in the film, I feel like stealing the poem from the last FYNC movie I reviewed. Would have been fitting.
Hey Nicolas Cage
Are the money troubles gone?
Find your career, please
Rated R, 96 Minutes
D: Simon West
W: David Guggenheim
Genre: FYNC retreads
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The New Orleans City Counsel
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Fans of Con Air
