Does Monsters University strike you as a vocational school? The top students are in the Scare Program to become … scarers. Job-specific applicable skills directly taught, even! Did your undergraduate degree come with such a specific skill set? Not saying this is a bad thing; just saying with its unambiguous scholastic agenda, MU strikes me less as a member of the Big Beast and more as DeVryghtening. Oh yeah, I can play the monster pun game, too.
Pixar’s 2013 guaranteed Oscar nominee in the animation category is Monsters University, prequel to its brilliant 2001 hit, Monsters, Inc. Monsters University tracks the pre-professional life of lime-green cycloptic bowling ball Mike (voice of Billy Crystal) and blue yeti Sully (John Goodman). Unfortunately, this tale plays less like Monsters, Inc. and more like The Internship. Just think of Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as animated characters; that’s pretty much how I see them anyway.
Monsters University invites us to live Mike’s childhood dream of becoming a professional scarer. This is a most revered position in the monster world, the equivalent of professional athlete, politician or “Bachelor” in our world. By the time Mike gets to college, he is book-smart solid, but about as scary as a cue ball. Sully, OTOH, is a classic BMOC-skating-by-on-popularity-alone type — all natural scaring ability, no work ethic. He and Mike become fast rivals. Well, the way the nerd sees it, of course, is that they are rivals. The jock perceives nothing of the sort. Naturally, they are thrown together by fate when their pettiness creates havoc in front of the only truly scary monster in the film: Dean Hardscrabble (Helen Mirren).
You know I really want to root for Pixar. They’re local. They’re fun. They’re a quality employer. Their cinematic history of success is unmatched on just about any level you care to name. But Monsters University devolves into a standard cool kids v. nerds college competition. And what’s this? The nerds are 
uniquely talented, each with an aggravating weakness. And the cool kids have a huge advantage? Gee, where have we seen this before? I mean this month, of course. This plotpath goes back at least thirty years and probably longer.
Pixar – I love you. I do. You made me root for an orphaned fish, a cowboy doll, a curmudgeon. You made me see the point of view of a culinary rodent and a maintenance bot. You introduced the whole world of monsters. So innovative. So imaginative. I know it’s only been three years since Toy Story 3; still it seems long enough to say Pixar is no longer making great films. Pixar now makes good films. They make children happy; they pay bills. Disney can boast. These, however, are not the films that deserve to win awards. They are not films you’ll remember fondly well into your senior years. They are not the films that make names and drive jealousies. They are the movies that sell product at Target and McDonald’s. I enjoyed Monsters University. But I enjoyed it on the same level at which I enjoyed The Internship. I didn’t come close to the expectations I’ve set.
On the streets of Em’ryville
There’s a school that’s known for screams
It’s specialty is scaring
And Pixar creates dreams
Monster flicks are now G-rated
Bring your three-year-old
Not exactly An’mal House
Neither is it gold
Rated G, 104 Minutes
D: Dan Scanlon
W: Daniel Gerson, Robert L. Baird and Dan Scanlon
Genre: Muppet babies
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Pixar junkies (my favorite 90s punk band)
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The animation challenged
