My, how we love to celebrate the Lothario, don’t we? A woman who plays the field? “Tramp” “Whore” But a man who can get away with casual sex? “Hero” Don Jon (writer/director/star Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is, as the title would suggest, a Don Juan. His life is very simple – he works, he cleans, he works out, he bangs strange women and he watches porn. A lot. He even prefers porn to the real thing. Wow. One wonders why he bothers chasing. Perhaps that is the point – he prefers porn, and yet he’s still hitting nightclubs. Clearly, there’s something missing.
On the subject of “I’m missing something,” JGL has decided to cast himself as the lost member of Jersey Shore. Jon is a man’s man, constantly picking and choosing among the 8s or 9s. He can do this because he has all the necessary tools: the look, the bod, the pad, the ‘tude, and he wrote the screenplay. Don’t ever underrate that last part; you can get a ton of consequence-free one-night-stand action when you write the movie you’re directing. His life is a game — have live sex, have cyber sex, workout, have more cyber sex, confess sins, have family dinner, lather, rinse, repeat, until he encounters Barbara (Scarlett Johansson). Barbara is special; she’s a 10. And Jon is gonna clean up his act, sort of, for her.
Jon’s colorful Sunday confessionals get even more so as he commits to Barbara. He sees penance as some sort of game as well – show up in the box, chronicle the past week, say, “sorry, Father,” get a slap on the wrist and then you go home and do it all over again. If you want to know why I’m not terribly religious, this is a top-3 reason. Far as I can tell, the only difference between Jon and your average young Catholic is most of the latter don’t even get as far as the confessional; showing up for Sunday mass counts as retribution for all sins over the previous week. Even Jon sees the hypocrisy involved. After a week in which he feels he’s really turned his life for the better, the confessional penalty remains the same … wtf?
Meanwhile, Barbara, who changes her hairstyle in every scene (even same day scenes, huh), has set about creating her own FrankenJon – the version of Jon she approves of 100%. This is a deep place, perhaps deeper than even the screenplay suggests: Jon wants Barbara because she’s a 10. Barbara wants Jon because she can mold him into exactly what she wants. Does either love the other? Does it matter? Parents Jon Sr. (Tony Danza) and Angela (Glenne Headly) totally approve. Jon Sr. approves a little too much ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo. Don Jon starts his own reflection upon meeting Esther (Julianne Moore ) in the class Barbara is making him take. He catches her crying; she catches him watching porn. Neither seems phased. I’m good with this.
Don Jon is a great companion piece to Thanks for Sharing. Jon is as much unashamed porn addict as he is anything else. This is different from being a sex 
addict, but not by enough to lose anybody along the way. That’s where the pic works – he’s not just roué or a Don Juan, Jon does what he does, but he’s completely honest with his own feelings. OK, so he lies to the girl, a lot. BUT, he doesn’t lie to himself, his friends, his family or his priest. Say 10 Hail Marys and I’ll give you a pass.
Now if I can talk to just the fellas for just one li’l bit here. Ladies, please excuse us. Thank you. Guys … Guys! *snaps fingers* GUYS! Pay attention – I know this looks like a win-win, a romantic comedy with porn so you can relate, a bromance if you will. DON’T BE FOOLED. The rhythm of this film opens the door into much of the man playbook. If you see this movie on a date with your significant other, you will almost certainly encounter, at a minimum, three questions upon reaching the conclusion: 1) On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me? 2) Am I controlling? 3) How often do you look at porn? Don Jon is enjoyable and yet, at the same time, a potential domestic disturbance waiting to happen. If you are not prepared to answer these questions and possibly many more, do not bring your girl to Don Jon.
♪I’ll get over you
I know I will
With or without surprizers
And I figured out
Love’s more than porn
Cuz I’m the king of womanizers♫
Rated R, 90 Minutes
D: Joseph Gordon-Levitt
W: Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Genre: Dating games
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Guys who don’t really get it
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Gals who do
♪Parody inspired by “King of Wishful Thinking”
