When Plush grows up, I think she wants to be a musical. No, a horror film. Wait, maybe a love triangle drama. No, a thriller! Plush has spoken; she definitely wants to be a thriller when she gets older. Wait. Maybe a comedy…
Plush is what happens when semi-talented people want to make a movie so badly, they skip steps, like, for instance, figuring out what the movie is about. Or who would see it? Or why make it at all? The title comes from a band consisting of brother-sister Hayley (Emily Browning) and Jack (Thomas Dekker). They’re sort of punk-spiritual. And there’s sort of an incest vibe between the two, which should come as no surprise to anybody familiar with Thomas Dekker’s career. Hayley falls for Carter (Cam Gigandet). Sorry-to-say-for-Cam, Hayley seems a bit of a step down from Christina Aguilera as rock-n-roll vixens go. And while they go be married, Jack dies of a drug overdose.
Suddenly, Plush is 50% off, and Hayley starts writing sad crap which nobody likes. Enter Enzo (Xavier Samuel). This is where the film is supposed to get good. It doesn’t. Enzo is New Jack City, and he picks right up where Jack left off, what with the drugs and sexual advances. So, for those playing at home, we have several angles we can explore – how is Plush with Enzo instead of Jack? Was there a
mystery behind Jack’s death? How does Carter feel about Enzo? How does Hayley feel about Enzo? How does Enzo feel about Enzo? I feel like we deal with all of these as if we’re playing tag. We hit one, say “you’re it” and run away. This wouldn’t be a terrible strategy — I mean, at least we’re acknowledging the possible issues, except that Plush still can’t ever figure out what it is. What’s your favorite band movie? For the sake of argument, let’s say it’s That Thing You Do! Suppose instead of exploring the love triangle or the band’s meteoric growth and self-destruction, we just threw in some elements of horror. Does that make any sense? Ok, now let’s make Guy (the drummer) bi-sexual and schizophrenic. Starting to get the idea here? Good, because then you can explain it to me.
So I didn’t really get Plush, much like I didn’t quite get Shag many years ago. Perhaps producers should stop naming films after “ways to describe carpets.” Worst part is that it’s possible Emily Browning, Thomas Dekker and Xavier Samuel are all legitimate talents. But you’ll never get that from this arrangement.
♪I got a certain little film it’s on my mind
No doubt about it wish I were blind
It’s kinda arty which makes it so sad
Sometimes I wonder how you can suck this bad
Blah blah-blah blah blah-blah blah blah-blah blah
Blah blah;-lah blah blah-blah blah blah-blah blah
Plush Plush
I thought I heard my ringtone
Plush Plush
No, seriously, that sounds like the phone
Plush Plush
I really think I have to get this
Plush Plush
Hey, don’t wait up … or look for me♫
Rated R , 99 Minutes
D: Catherine Hardwicke
W: Catherine Hardwicke, Arty Nelson
Genre: You got me. Musical horror? Horrible music? One of those.
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Relatives of the producers, apparently.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: People who want a movie to be about something … anything
♪Parody inspired by “Hush”
