In Red 2, we saw a guy make origami lethal. Now that I’ve seen Tai Chi turned into a deadly sport, I am seriously wondering what docile endeavors are next to become mercenary fare … yoga? Fishing? “Look, dude, I’m gonna kick your ass as soon as they start playing “The Macarena.”
Marking the directorial debut of Keanu Reeves, yes, I’ll repeat that, the directorial debut of Keanu Reeves, Man of Tai Chi chronicles the “downward” spiral of a mediocre delivery boy to rich international badass. Chen “Tiger” Lin-Hu (Tiger Hu Chen). Wait. Yes, his name is Tiger, and his character name is Tiger. I’m not sure you can be just a delivery boy named “Tiger,” can you? Anyhoo, Tiger is the lone pupil at a Tai Chi temple. His master (Yu Hai) has all the wisdom a man can fall asleep to. Pupil Tiger is restless. He rushes his Tai Chi. He acts out of aggression. He enters a kung fu tournament.
Ok, now I’m picturing one of those old Chinese dudes in the park doing Tai Chi — you know, the ones that seem like they’re stuck on permanent slo-mo replay — fighting against Billy Zabka. Believe me, it’s funny stuff. “Sweep the leg!”
Police-targeted mogul Donaka Mark (Reeves) catches the Tai Chi act on the closed circuit and is immediately “intrigued.” Calling this Keanu performance wooden insults all the live oak and weeping willows of the world. It takes a certain director to get a quality performance from Mr. Reeves and, let’s face it, Keanu Reeves is not up to the challenge of directing Keanu Reeves. When he IDs Tiger as his mark, he 
emerges from a seated position, points at the screen and affirms, “Innocent!” Pretty much every line Keanu delivers in Man of Tai Chi is unintentionally funny.
Long story short — and that’s exactly what Man of Tai Chi becomes, except the opposite — The Devil tempts The Innocent with money and fame while selling out his values. The degradation of Tiger is painfully transparent as the latter starts to enjoy the closed-circuit fighting. Meanwhile, his tournament fighting is improving and crumbling at the same time. As Tiger’s money fights are lawless, he grows impatient with the rules of the tournament bouts. And one man becomes exactly the thing he despises. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I might be more impressed if I got a better sense of Tiger’s respect for Tai Chi. Heck, I would have settled for some insight as to how one turns a repetitious, slow-moving dance into a form of kung fu. Or how somebody let Keanu direct a film. Now that was a true bit of befuddlement.
A martial art which lacks for sense
And yet our hero never relents
Keanu’s direction
Not without affection
But remains only a master of dense
Rated R, 105 Minutes
D: Keanu Reeves
W: Michael G. Cooney
Genre: Memories of Matrix
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: “Keanu can direct, too? Wow!”
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Those who long for Keanu as Bill and/or Ted
