What is it you really want out of a relationship? Companionship? Sex? Support? A listener? A masseuse? A food processor? A dish washer? A bowling partner? All of the above? Some of the above? If you’ve ever asked yourself what you truly want in a partnership, have I got a film for you.
Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) has to overcome the handicap of being named “Theodore Twombley” has, more-or-less, given up. Estranged from his soon-to-be-ex-wife, he hides alone in his apartment in passive misery. He’s not necessarily afraid of life, but he’s not really living it, either. The strange thing is that Theodore hasn’t closed himself off from emotion. He has a job at beautifulhandwrittenletters.com, a service that provides exactly that for its clientele. (There can’t be real money there; how much would you actually pay someone to write a personal letter for you?) He loves the tale – the story of why a person is who he or she is. We can see this in the way he writes and the way he people-watches.
Inspired by the deadly combo of loneliness and insomnia, Theodore searches chat lines at night. A random voice-sex encounter becomes a hilarious fetish experiment: “now strangle me with the dead cat by the side of the bed!” That might push me over the edge, too. Next morning, Theodore turns to OS, a personal assistant in the form of an artificial intelligence iPhone. I’m sorry, but let me interject: COOL. I guarantee if you could program artificial intelligence into your iPhone, you could charge $1 M for these things and people would buy them. Imagine a voice machine that –without any agenda– ALWAYS tells you what you need to hear, what you want to hear, how your life could improve, and uses its limitless energy and resources towards that means. Theodore is hesitant. The set-up asks three questions, the last being how he feels about his mother (?!) and then *poof* Samantha (voice of Scarlett Johansson) shows up. She names herself “Samantha” after reading an entire baby name book in .02 seconds. Oh yeah, Samantha is gonna come in handy.
Luckily, the “parlor tricks” phase isn’t long because the heart of Her is how Theodore relates to his new possession. And there are a lot of words I could have used there, but possession sums it up as I revert back to paragraph one: what do you want out of a relationship? Theodore discovers that at his disposal is, in a very real way, the ultimate partner – one who always has your back; one who always listens; one who always cares. No, he can’t touch her like you can touch a human, but how, really, is this any different from a long-distance relationship? And isn’t this what everybody essentially wants out of a partner – and omnipresent, all-knowing sycophant? Imagine if God were in love with *just* you.
Now, clearly, not everybody wants a hyper-intelligent yes-(wo)man. But many do. This is a movie for the man in search of a trophy wife without the income to justify it, for the crazy cat lady, for the teen boy who wants a harem. For the divorcee who just wanted his ex to understand. It isn’t always about sex. And, you know, this film is also for the rest of us because it truly asks what you want out of a partner. We are not far 
from an era of technology in which you, perhaps, might be able to “build” your perfect partner. And if you could, and if reproduction weren’t an issue, would you? Is a perfect simulation capable of everything your current partner does better than an actual real-life flawed human being? You tell me.
Back to our film — Theodore does fall in love with Samantha and, more importantly, Samantha falls back. It’s bizarre and horrible and wonderful at the same time. You want to scoff, but on some level – just as with long distance relationships– you ask, “How is this different in reality from the relationship you have?” Her has some marvelous consequences, not the least of which is how the people in Theodore’s life react to his dating a pocket calculator. There’s also the weird of how the OS feels about itself. Artificial intelligence is neither means nor end.
It’s at this point where I remembered that writer/director Spike Jonze played Johnny Knoxville’s deceased lackey in Bad Grandpa. He also voices here my favorite 30-second character of the cinematic year – an interactive foul-mouthed alien child. And that reminds me of a hilarious mom-themed video game Theodore’s friend Amy (Amy Adams) is developing. There is no shortage of things to like about Her.
Her is the closest thing to art in 2013. It is a pure reflection of exactly the time we live in and the skewed future we’re driving towards. As much as I loved this film, it’s possible I undersold it as there’s no part of me that enjoys Joaquin Phoenix, at all … and never has he looked any more weaselly than with this terrible moustache and wardrobe courtesy of Perv Warehouse. Truth is, had Her starred Johnny Depp, Mark Ruffalo, Ewan McGregor or even Seth Rogen or Ryan Reynolds, I might have called it my favorite film of 2013.
My ex didn’t do right by me
But I’m not much for retaliation
Now time to lose the debris
I’m in love with my simulation
Rated R, 126 Minutes
D: Spike Jonze
W: Spike Jonze
Genre: Cyberdating
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Those who have given up
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Luddites
