Half-way through Endless Love, I realized the Scrooge down my row was actively and audibly rooting against romance. I kid you not. Some old coot sitting six seats to my left cheered when David (Alex Pettyfer) was arrested. In the next scene, Hugh (the girl’s dad, played by Bruce Greenwood) taunts David until David clocks him at which point coot gave a loud, “HAH!” as if he’d proven something.
I root for screen romance. Always. Even when the Gaga premise is involved. And yet,I started feeling a little sorry for Mr. Humbug. I mean, one part of me was thinkin’, “geez, you old bastard, have you no heart?” and another part of me knew how disappointed he was going to be that dad doesn’t win this round. “Have you never seen a movie before?! You KNOW dad doesn’t win, because if he did, there would be no point in making the movie. You’re like a guy who sees an instant replay and thinks something different is going to happen when the action gets slower. A third part of me, of course, felt this particular aisle conflict was more interesting than the one on the screen.
Endless Love is a film for the girls and boys out there who want to fall for Alex Pettyfer. He’s pretty fair, all right. And he falls hard for other-side-of-the-tracks Jade (Gabriella Wilde). Jade, however, is destined for college and cardiology and 
daddy won’t have it any other way. A note to cinematic dads out there – you want your girl to defy you? Say, “you can’t see him.” It’s pretty much the surest way to guarantee she will. I can’t vouch for real life; parents who didn’t want their daughters to see me tended to get their way (or at least that’s what I tell myself). I just hope real life dads would show a little more subtlety.
Jade falls for David when the latter turns his valet job into a joyride. This moment is set-up by a dick move so cinematic it would have to be scripted even if there were no cameras. (The Maserati’s owner behaves as if he lives in a world in which superior people who think they are superior because they have money don’t have inhibitions about announcing said position at any time or any place.) Come to think of it, that bit of hyperbolic fiction is not a bad way to attract a girl – but it would take a fairly unique set of circumstances … and a friend with a Maserati. Hmmmm.
On a side note here, Alex Pettyfer “disguises” his voice a few minutes after the Maserati scene to call in a public disturbance so the high school crew will go to Jade’s party instead of a rival’s. The English accent he uses to call the police is the only time in the film he isn’t voice acting.
I’m stalling, because this movie turns stupid fast. As quickly as Endless Love becomes a humorless romance, it even more quickly became a film about dad. The film conflict is 100% about dad getting what he wants v. JaDavid getting what they want. I like Bruce Greenwood, but when I go to a romance, I don’t want to think about pissed off Bruce Greenwood. And neither, I’m guessing, do Alex Pettyfer groupies.
♪My thug
Now only you are my life
A move not terribly bright
My first thug
You’re every thought in my head
I forgot all daddy said
And I
I want to play
And have sex every day
Throw future away
And your thighs
Your thighs, your thighs
Tell me how much you care
‘Til spring, you will always be
My heedless thug♫
Rated PG-13, 103 Minutes
D: Shana Feste
W: Shana Feste, Joshua Safran
Genre: Battling her dad
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Alex Pettyfer fans
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: This old guy sitting in my row
♪ Parody inspired by “Endless Love”
