So you know how in a Schwarzenegger film, there’s a bunch of violence, then some tasteless wisecrack? Substitute a gallon of blood for the wisecracks and you have Sabotage, a real treat for the sociopaths among us.
Sabotage is unpleasant. Really unpleasant. Close to unwatchable unpleasant. Close to God’s Not Dead unpleasant. Close to, dare I say, Tyler Perry level unpleasant. Yes, it’s fair to say I hated this film. Sabotage opens with Arnold Schwarzenegger watching the snuff film of his wife being tortured and killed. You get the impression he’s watched it before. A lot. Why? Why, Lord, why? The film kinda goes downhill from there.
Start with an elite DEA enforcer team. They’re so elite, everybody has a nickname: Tripod, Smoke, Sugar, Neck, Monster, Breacher, Grinder, Hoagie, Gyro, Hero … I only made up those last three. What did the names mean? Heck if I know; Sabotage poorly explained Pyro later in the film just to make a “joke.” Speaking of jokes, 100% of communication among the group involves the questioning of manhood. This movie was written by people who assume people who fire guns find their firearms and members interchangeable. There’s a woman among them (Mireille Enos) who, of course, is only accepted for her ability to behave exactly like the Neanderthals that surround her. I say 100%, but I’m pretty sure it’s 100%. These men are so into machismo (and the unstated insecurity therein) that I imagine them constantly measuring and comparing penis sizes when the camera is elsewhere.
The team infiltrates a mafia compound so we can see them show their skills and steal a bunch o’ cash. Get this – there’s just a pile of cash the size of a washer-dryer just sitting there in the basement. The gang shoots the bad guys, hides, say, 5% of the cash, blows up the rest, but Internal Affairs still knows exactly the amount missing. How? Seriously, how? And when Crew Penis Size goes to retrieve the cash … OMG, it’s not there! Well, this doesn’t take a 
great deal of imagination, now, does it? Ten people knew what was done with the stolen money. You’re all there. One of you took it. Pretending there’s a mystery here is inane.
I.A., knowing this gang is dirty, fires everybody except Breacher (Schwarzenegger). Watching the uncomfortable (“you did it” “no, I didn’t”) was actually my favorite part of the movie as there was no grisly torture or blood on screen and the manhood questioning often took a backseat to investigative questioning. It didn’t last. Pretty soon after that, Crew Penis Size is cleared and reunites for ball scratching interrupted by shooting things. And then the blood comes for real.
Slowly, DEA members start dying in most colorful and hideous ways … trailer on the train tracks, several stab wounds, guy spiked to a ceiling and gutted. The latter actually causes investigator Olivia Williams to slip and fall directly into the pool of blood below. The light reveals her entire white blouse, hands and face all dyed red. Bleah.
Sabotage is like one of those horror films where you start rooting for people to die because you cannot stand them. And so I suppose there was a minor appreciation on that count. Still falls well short of making me happy.
Here’s my latest story
Horror-level gory
The action’s kinda snore-y
Not Terminator territory
Blood and guts and glory
But we forgot the quips
Rated R, 109 Minutes
D: David Ayer
W: Skip Woods, David Ayer
Genre: Violent cheeky Schwarzenegger less the cheek
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Fans of blood
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Fans of fun
