The set up here is so fun I really do wish I were watching a better film. Ooooo, a musical – with people I adore like Meryl Streep and Christine Baranski and Anna Kendrick, and we’re following four (4!) different fables as they all trot Into the Woods. Boy, that’s a busy woods, isn’t it? That’s ok, everybody is singing. Now I’m waiting, folks, go show me where Jack the Giant Slayer and Hansel & Gretel: Rogue Ninjas went wrong. Was it just because they weren’t singing?
The tale I didn’t know involves a baker (James Corden) and his barren wife (Emily 
Blunt). A foul, but fabulous!, witch (Streep) confesses, in very dick-ish fashion I might add, that in the baby game, wife has been playing against a stacked deck, or, to put it more “Blunt”-ly, the witch cursed the baker years and years ago. But, hey! Today only, I’ll remove that curse for the low, low price of $19.99. Oops, got this mixed up with a QVC ad. No, all the baker people need to do is collect for her a milky white cow (Jack & the Beanstalk!), and blood red cape (Little Red Riding Hood!), some silky golden hair (Rapunzel!), a golden slipper (Cinderella!) and $200 for passing Go.
Wouldn’t you know it? All those people exist right here! Why, isn’t that fortuitous? I don’t want to knock your good thing – I mean, this is a very fun set-up, but then where was the clever? There is nothing in the retelling of any of these tales that adds any new insight into the Brothers Grimm or Aesop or anybody we give credit for this original work. Johnny Depp makes a pretty creepy wolf, but he’s got a fatal case of pinkbelly before reel one ends. Yes, the wolf eats Hood and grandma; yes, Cinderella (Kendrick) can’t go to the ball until she meets her fairy godmother, yes, Rapunzel has 80s hair, yes, Jack has all the shrewdness of a guy currently investing in Betamax. I suppose Rob Marshall and company didn’t want to confuse viewers by adding a new wrinkle, but the object collection set-up, consequently, seems perfunctory and rather unengaging.
I hate to say this. No, I really do, because I’m huge fan of quality soundtracks, but score-wise this is the blandest musical I have ever seen. Only one number in two hours caught my attention – “Agony,” and the reason is almost almost entirely due to the dueling
hams Chris Pine and Billy Magnussen.
Nice to see Frances de la Tour play a giantess again. Not sure how many more times you’re gonna be able to milk that role, babe, be sell it while you can.
This puzzle has such nice pieces: I so wish I knew how to give it justice … the word I’m looking for here is competent. While insignificantly enjoyable and certainly watchable, nothing Into the Woods struck me as especially outstanding — not the music, not the acting, not the writing, costumes, make-up, plot, etc. This is a nice piece of work that will satisfy the Broadway crowd, but if this is your idea of a Best Picture, then, my God man, get better standards.
The witch dictates and the baker agrees
Collecting these hallows won’t be a breeze
While not quite stale
Not the fab tale
Try seeing the forest for the trees
Rated PG, 124 Minutes
D: Rob Marshall
W: James Lapine
Genre: Sing all the dialogue
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Broadway Junkies
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Ogres
