Important safety note, kids – when you’re a fleeing relentless and unstoppable evil, it is important to be dressed like a Victoria Secret runway model at all times. No heel is too high; no camisole too flimsy; death expects no less than you at your teenage sexiest. It Follows that this underdressed vixen dies, of course, mangled in a most unsettling way after fleeing the unseen horror (which, apparently, catches up on a beach several miles away). It’s possible our invisi-villain didn’t appreciate the hemlines.
In one of the better and certainly more original horror films to emerge in the past year, It Follows is, believe it or not, about an “It” that “Follows.” It doesn’t follow fast; it doesn’t seem terribly bright; but it is relentless and it is a shape-shifter, often assuming familial figures; it is relatively unstoppable and it can only be seen by those whom it follows or has followed previously. It hunts one person only. It doesn’t stop until that person is dead and then it hunts the next previous in the chain. The only way to get it to stop hunting you? You’ll love this … you have to “pass on” the curse through sexual intercourse.
Now here, of course, is where I need more rules, not fewer. I mean, is it only successful sexual intercourse? What if you were wearing a condom, does that count? What if you were having Monica Lewinsky-type Oval Office sex, does that count? Oooh, that would totally explain Linda Tripp as a deadly spectre of pestilence, wouldn’t it? But we all can see her, unfortunately. Awwwww.
Horror should be like this – supernatural, yet simple. Jay (Maika Monroe) gets the curse after boyfriend Hugh (Jake Weary) gets lucky. He then ties her to a chair and makes her see the danger as it approaches. This interaction is such an odd combination of slimy and touching – he wants to lose the curse; he gives it to a girl he clearly has abused; he then knocks her out and ties her up in most villainous fashion, but all so that he can give her an exact look at what she’s now up against. Of course, it’s in his best interests that she stay alive, so one can probably call all of Hugh’s actions here selfish, still … I cannot remember the last time I saw somebody tied up “for her own good.” — well, except for Fifty Shades of Grey, of course, but that was a much different kind of horror film.
Nobody believes Jay, of course. Would you? But her friends still stick by her, which is pretty cool of them. Luckily, it’s fairly easy to spot It – the creature takes human form, yes, but It walks directly at you. (You will never quite see people walking straight at you the same way again) For however good It is at imitating friends and family, It is piss poor at dressing It-self – rarely wearing even as much as a toga. It Follows is not stingy on nudity, but I can’t say you’re gonna enjoy it; most people don’t actually want an angry, naked man on their roofs.
If I have a fault with this film, it is with the lack of solution narrative. The kids didn’t really stretch the boundaries. Can It go over water? Can you just hole yourself on an island? There are some pretty big ones to hide on. Also, to be frank, if the key to kicking the curse is to have sex with somebody A.S.A.P., then the quicker the better; the more promiscuous the partner, the better. (The fact that you’re cursed by sexual activity? Pure genius. It Follows acts as a better teen sex d
eterrent than any religious film ever did.) One would think that Jay, or anybody else would constantly set-up business at airport bars and hotels. “Say, you’re cute. Leaving town tomorrow? For Europe? You don’t say! And you’re gonna score again the second you touch down in Amsterdam? Weeeeeeeeeelllll, have you got five minutes? Can I interest you in a little ‘American footie’?” I was tad embarrassed that the kids showed not a great deal of exit strategy.
It Follows is the first horror film in recent history named after a standard dissertational introductory thesis clause, although I was very taken with the 20s silent film Q.E.D. and the 40s thriller Hence, about a killer run-on sentence. It won’t win hearts or awards, but It was a thankfully fresh take on the genre. Look people, do more of this and less of that “Found Footage” crap.
Intangible evil taking human depiction
Leaves dead bodies in unspeakable description
Trailing its victims through pathways and hallows
Would the sequel be named It Follows It Follows?
Rated R, 100 Minutes
D: David Robert Mitchell
W: David Robert Mitchell
Genre: The little evil that could
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Strict horror fans
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anxious folks
